Looking at Myself

I had a lot of laughs the other day, taking photos of myself with my computer's webcam. This is a way to look at myself from another perspective.  For example...

Just waking up in the morning

Close examination with a magnifying glass

Feeling like my head might explode from too much thinking

Feeling a little anxious about new chemo starting today 

Stepping back...perhaps there's a different perspective from here 

I'm a genie, shrinking back into Aladdin's Lamp

OMG!  Did steroids make me look like that?

Hmmmm....I wonder.....

Shall I choose to be filled with fear and anxiety or try some humor therapy?

It's another day and here's another post.  I have written volumes of thoughts and feelings about this journey over the years, some of which I have saved on my computer, but it feels like I need to write some new thoughts, open to new ideas, listen to my inner being (AKA higher Self, Divine spark, the real me, my spirit, my guardian angel, conscience, whatever) and speak from my heart.  Having been a computer programmer and very intellectual/mental person most of my life, speaking from my heart does not come easily.  I feel very vulnerable and exposed here, yet compelled to continue.  I feel an urging from my inner being to do this.

I am coming to a better understanding of who I really am.  One of my teachers says, "I have a body, but I am not my body.  I have emotions, but I am not my emotions.  I have thoughts, but I am not my mind."  Then, who the heck am I?  I am the one who is expressing/living through my body, mind and emotions.  

Communicating with my inner Self is something that I can do either consciously or unconsciously.  If I allow my emotions to take over my thoughts, it feels like there's a fog or cloud between my awareness and my inner self.  On the other hand, if I think and analyze a topic to death, then thoughts overshadow my emotions and I have no idea how I really feel.  


Ideally, communication with my "self" takes place when I can quiet my mind and emotions and focus on connecting with my Divine self, perhaps asking a single question.  And, I set my intention to be open to whatever message(s) my higher self wants me to receive.  Prayer is usually talking, while meditation is listening.  I believe that, when I ask a question, I always get an answer.  It's not like a voice speaks to me in my head, but I will see or hear something on TV, a billboard, a book, a conversation, a song, writing in my journal, or observing a new thought in my mind.  Sometimes, I don't realize it's the answer when I get it, so I need to look for it.  Setting my intention helps a lot with that - I simply say the words, "I set my intention to...." and it helps me live my life less haphazardly and more ON PURPOSE.

My most recent messages have been about love - loving myself (eek, what a strange concept), loving other people, and loving the entire planet and all of its inhabitants.  Iyanla VanZandt, on Oprah's show, said something like "Fill up your own cup first.  Then, when your cup runneth over, you can give that to others. But, be sure your own cup is full first."  My take on that is to fill my cup with Divine healing love and, when it overflows, I have plenty to share with others.  I can tap into the infinite supply of love, ask for it, and I get it!!!!!  How magical and powerful is that? 


I use imagery to make it even more powerful - I imagine that I see a stream or column of light (the energy of love) pouring in through the top of my head and flowing directly into my heart.  I "see" my heart glowing, feel the warmth spreading through my body, filling up my cup.  When I think lovingly of others (often combined with prayer), I "see" the beautiful energy of love flow from my heart to their heart, connecting us 'at the heart level'.  This can also facilitate more loving communications.


It has taken me nearly all of these 15 years to TRULY believe that self-love is essential to healing - ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL. I have given this concept 'lip service' in classes and healing sessions, but (subconsciously perhaps) decided that it wasn't really important for me, based on my core beliefs about my own worthiness and love-ability. I feel like I'm just beginning to understand this whole concept of self-love and loving others - and it's wonderful.  Love can heal anything, anything at all!  Love is the fabric of which all of the Universe is made.  It is the most powerful energy in the Universe. We ARE love...feeling it for ourselves and others is all we need to do with it.  More about love later.  


Anyone else talking to yourself? Feeling loving toward youself? What's it like?  Have a wonderful day.