A Jewel in the Clutter

I've been de-cluttering lately just because it feels so good to give away all our "extra stuff".  It used to feel like I was 'breaking up' with my stuff and it was hard to do...

 Click for song about breaking up
Above is a photo copied from the web (not my house), but sometimes it FEELS like I have this much clutter and a strong desire to just let it go.  I give this stuff to friends, family and charities.  It feels quite liberating; like a metaphor for letting go of the old and familiar and making room for the new, unfamiliar and unknown. This has been a fairly non-traumatic way to help myself 'step out of my comfort zone' in other areas of my life.  I don't know how it works, but it does.

Now, about that jewel I found.  It's a journal I was using in late 2008 when I received my second Stage IV diagnosis. This was after 7 years of total remission with the aid of an anti-estrogen drug, Arimidex.  It was quite a shock for me.  I just randomly opened the journal and am going to quote what I wrote at that time...

I've been wondering where the line is between denial and focusing only on what I really do want...NOT focusing on what I don't want.  I need to focus my attention and energy on promoting the health of this body and on promoting my new business (I had just opened my yoga studio). Focus on the good healing work I can do, NOT on things that happened in the past. I forgive myself and others for any hurt, whether intentional or unintentional, I caused to myself or others and any hurt they caused me. I am willing to let go of the patterns in me that created all that pain I have chosen to feel.  I am NOT a victim any longer. I am responsible for myself and everything that happens to me. I am choosing to respond with love and self-forgiveness. I am choosing life, prosperity, abundance, freedom and radiant, perfect health. I choose joy and light in every moment, every thought, word and action. I choose joy, love, compassion, understanding, forgiveness and light. I choose to rise above my circumstances and not allow them to weigh me down. I choose to dis-identify with this body and to understand and KNOW WHO I AM. I am Source energy - I am Spirit - I am Light - I am that - I am all that is.  I open the channel for communication from my soul and spirit to my personality - opening to soul-infusion. I have a soul-infused personality. My personality serves the will of my soul and the Divine. 

I have a mind, but I am not my mind. I have emotions, but I am not my emotions. I have a personality, but I am not my personality. My personality is a perfect reflection of who I really am - and who I really want to be. I AM a teacher and a healer. I provide services that no one else can provide - in a way no one else does - I joyfully manifest the power of God.

Here is an excellent book on the topic of de-cluttering...
Click here for Amazon Link

My Experiment with The DENIAL Law of Healing

I've been busy teaching my Love Heals class and truly enjoyed all the interactions with the students.  I am grateful for how much I have learned and grown as a result of teaching this class.

I wanted to tell you about my use of the DENIAL (NO) Law of Healing from Catherine Ponder's book DYNAMIC LAWS OF HEALING.  Of course, it reminds me of a song, 

so click here to listen to one way of SAYING NO

I have had 3 rounds of chemo with Ixempra and had horrific headaches for 7-10 days after each of the first two treatments - significant enough that I was on a prescription painkiller.  Just before my 3rd treatment, I had just read about this law, which seemed strange, as it is very different from affirmations.  But, I decided to perform an experiment on myself.

This is a conscious, emphatic DENIAL. Whenever I felt a headache coming on, I would say out loud "NO NO NO!  IT IS NOT SO!  I DO NOT ACCEPT THIS APPEARANCE.  IT HAS NO POWER. IT IS NOTHING! IT IS NOT REAL!"  

The pain would then disappear IMMEDIATELY.  I was so convinced after the first attempt was successful that I did it several times over the course of about a week and it kept the headache away without the aid of drugs.  I was amazed and oh so happy!  I'm continuing to use it to talk to my can-can. Imagine the power in that.  I also added some affirmations at the end like.  I AM LOVED.  I AM HEALED.

I started a LOVE HEALS page on Facebook.  If you wish to view it, click here.... Love Heals FB Page

Love and hugs for you,

Magnificent Maggie

Bad News, Oncologists & Hope

I had scans (MRI and CT) recently and saw my oncologist on Friday to get the results. I drew this portrait of him a week before the appointment to visualize him delivering good news.  I think it's a good likeness and the one curly hair is what would grow if he didn't shave it off every day. I will do this visualization more often now to prepare for the next set of test results.  It is easy for me to hold this image in my mind and it makes me smile.  This picture is on my bulletin board in the kitchen where I see if often, too.

For your musical entertainment while reading this, click here to listen to a song that has been rolling around in my brain for about two weeks now.  I have asked my dear son-in-law, Jeremy, to learn this song for me.  He has the most beautiful baritone voice!

Anyhow, the news was that I have a new, yet rather small, brain tumor.  It's interesting to note that this is the 3rd June in a row that I've had this same thing happen.  It's in my cerebellum again, which controls coordination and balance (yoga students - that's why my balance has been off lately). Last year, we traveled to Saginaw/Midland for gamma knife radiation.  Click on that to see my post from last year on this topic. Doc said that the tumor in my bronchial tube that has been making me wheeze is only slightly bigger than last scan (less than inch in whatever dimension it was measured).  He said that this is "not really bad news".  I think he meant it could have been a lot worse.

I have spent the last two days processing this information. I have done this a lot of times in the past and perhaps experience makes it a little easier, but I have been doing some grieving while integrating this information and am being gentle with myself in the process. Tears can be healing while allowing the expression of emotion. Many emotional triggers have been activated and, as these always seem to bring gifts/blessings/lessons (g-blessons), I will feel them and deal with them one at a time. This processing time (I sometimes call it hibernation) usually takes a couple of days or even several days before I find the BOTTOM LINE, then I pick myself up and carry on with healing my life.  

What is the  BOTTOM LINE?  

I know that, no matter what happens, I will be okay.  I woke up with this knowing this morning. I also get a break from chemo.  I will always HOPE for remission and I have some very loving, supportive people in my life who hope with me.  I am not denying the scientific fact that oncologists are challenged to see beyond - science and statistics say that I will surely die.  Big surprise - we ALL will surely die, but death is simply a transition back to spirit.  I believe that hope can be a powerful healer and I am doing my best to elicit some hopeful words from my Dr. Science-Oncologist, then to watch the trickle-down effect when I tell people that my doctor is hopeful for me.  I have never yet heard words of hope from this specialty type of doctor (and I have known quite a few of them).  I know they have to be careful of what they say because of legalities and they don't want to give people false hope (but, come on, no hope at all?) They seem to have this head-strong belief that science knows more about illness than sick people who might know something about healing. They seem to overlook the fact that the human being is capable of spontaneous remission - it happens all the time. Science cannot explain it because it's not a scientific, measurable phenomenon. It's proof of the PLACEBO EFFECT - what you believe is going to happen to you is what happens to you. This is more of a mental, emotional and spiritual shift that can often result in a physical shift as well.  

I am living proof of that.  After my first Stage IV diagnosis, I went into total remission for 7 years.  At that time, I believed that my very life depended on my learning to forgive hurts that I had held onto for so very many years. It worked for me until I started holding onto hurts again. And, I believed (eek, the power of belief!) that this behavior was dangerous for my health because it had the possibility of inciting can-can cells in my body once again.  I have finally learned that forgiveness really is about letting go of the pain I have been causing myself. It's truly an act of self-love. And, I have learned so very much about love in the last year...

I wonder if hope is the missing ingredient in the oncologist's bag of tricks.  My doctor already practices medicine with love, for which I am extremely grateful. When I said this to him, he seemed surprised, but said he treats patients as if they were family members - there's the love. And, I love the fact that he doesn't wear a white coat...those things can be so intimidating. If all oncologists are feeling hopeless for their Stage IV patients, and consequently, their patients are also feeling hopeless, and the patient's loving family and friends are also feeling hopeless, is it possible that this is the reason for the high mortality rates? Wouldn't everyone be happier with more hope in the ability of the human spirit to heal her/himself? Or, perhaps a knowing/belief in that BOTTOM LINE?  Supported by the best-known authority (doctor) on the subject?

Great new book that I highly recommend for everyone is MIND OVER MEDICINE: Scientific Proof that You Can Heal Yourself by Lissa Rankin MD. That's the Amazon link. I think this woman's thinking and conclusions are an indicator of a new and better direction for health care - better for doctors and better for patients. 

With great love and appreciation for your presence in my life. 

Mega-Magnificent Maggie McDee

 

I NEED A BREAK!!!~!

After a period of nearly 2 years of steady chemo treatments, I was starting to feel rather lethargic, where EVERYthing seemed to require way more effort than I wanted to give. I thought that my body was needing a break from chemo, so here's that story... For your entertainment while reading this, click here.  This song reflects how I FEEL while taking a break (of undetermined length) from chemo...

Last month, it was "re-staging" time, which means CT scan (trunk of body) and MRI (brain) to check for "progression".  I sometimes wonder if I could be re-staged to a smaller number, like Zero, but I've been at Stage IV since 2001. I was scheduled for CT on Monday, MRI on Friday, then doctor visit the following Thursday.  Feeling a little test anxiety the morning of my MRI, I called the doctor's office and asked that they tell him that I said, "Please don't make me wait another week to find out the results of my CT scan," so he agreed to see me in between other patients and we had a quick visit that day.  He said that the CT results were good, "which means the chemo is working." I asked, "How do you know it's the chemo and not what I've been doing?"  He replied that there was only one way to do that - to go off of chemo.  I let him know that I was thinking about that, so he had time to think about it before my appointment the following Thursday.

I didn't feel much anxiety about the MRI because, if they find a new brain tumor, the doc calls me the same day...no phone call meant good results. So, at my appointment the following Thursday, I learned that the pelvic tumor had disappeared and all others were stable (no growth), and the bone is showing signs of 'growing back' around the radiated tumor in my spine...best report I've heard in a very long time. This time, the doc said "so the chemo is working ... AND, whatever you're doing".  I then gave my argument for a break and he agreed that I need a break - a hug-deserving moment.  Since we agreed that we probably couldn't agree on the length of the break, we're leaving it as 'undetermined' and I'll go to see him again next week.

So, as Ross screamed to Rachel in a Friends Episode...

WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!

If you're wondering what I've been doing, I've been loving my body...another challenge accepted...and another post to explain that....with greatest love for you.....I love you and thank you for loving me.

Hey CELLS! I'm Talking to YOU.

I decided in a previous post that I would not use the word cancxx any more (except for search engines).  Instead, I am using the word can-can (like the dance).  As always, if something I say doesn't resonate with you and your beliefs, then please just 'put it on the shelf' and move on.  Take what you find useful and leave the rest.

When we assume a physical body, we forget who we really are -- spirit, but a spark of the Divine continues to live within us.  When we remember that we are all one in spirit and that SPIRIT is who we really are, then we know that what happens to one of us human beings has an effect on all of us because of our  spiritual inter-connectedness.  I wonder if the same is true of the cells inside our physical bodies.  When normal, healthy body cells become can-can cells, perhaps they lose the memory of who they really are. I want to help them to remember that they are part of the oneness of this body and that their normal, perfect, healthy functioning as part of the oneness is essential for the continued health,  well-being, and the very life of the body. 

This body is the vehicle my Self has chosen for her journey through this physical lifetime.  It's time for me to realize/KNOW this in every cell of my being. My spirit Self is already fully aware of this. 

CAN-CAN CELLS, this is for you...WAKE UP!  I said WAKE UP!  You have forgotten who you are, who you REALLY are.  I want you to remember who you really are. You have strayed from the perfect Divine plan for you that was part of the original programming for this body.  You were designed to be part of the oneness of this physical body.  You have become detached from source, where the Divine Plan comes from...making up your own plan without realizing the impact is has on the oneness of all the cells of the whole body.

Speaking of 'waking up', click to play MAGGIE MAY on youtube.  I knew that, eventually, this song would end up in one of my posts.  Rod wrote it for me after that delightful summer we spent together in Paris, back in our carefree days of youth.

Okay, CAN-CAN CELLS, I know that you started out as a very diverse group - some were short-lived, some bigger and stronger, some smaller and more delicate, most highly specialized cells.  I know you felt like you were alone, unsupported, as if you weren't part of the larger whole, the oneness of the cells of these organs of this body, to keep it running smoothly and efficiently.  I never thought to fill you with the energy of Divine Healing Love and I did not appreciate all you have done for me when you were functioning normally, according to the original plan.  I've used multiple methods to try to kill you. Is it any wonder that you have forgotten who you really are? Is it any wonder that you don't feel loved?  

BRAIN CELLS, you must be tired from all the intense thinking I've done over the years - always wanting to know WHY and always trying to figure things out.  Always looking for logical solutions to problems, as I did when I was a computer programmer, systems analyst and project manager.  All the nights I laid awake strategizing and analyzing, always analyzing, trying to understand life from a logical/mental perspective instead of a feeling/emotional perspective.  You brain cells worked together to organize the other cells into organs and systems and provide instructions to individual cells.  You kept all the cells working in total cooperation with all other cells, all connected and communicating.  It takes the combined intelligence of each unique cell to support a healthy physical body.  Some of your communication channels have become clogged or tangled up.  It's time for a thorough cleansing.  Open up those clogged channels and remind those immune system cells to do their job. So, WAKE UP, brain cells.  Feel the Divine Healing Love I am feeding you every day.  Use this extra energy to clean up the mess and put things 'back in order.'
IMMUNE SYSTEM CELLS, you must be VERY tired, even confused, from chemo and radiation and can-can.  Many of you have also forgotten who you really are.  And, many of your friends have died, so perhaps you are fearing the same fate.  Perhaps you are hiding your innate magnificence. You seem to no longer recognize can-can cells as invaders - you are denying their existence.  I'm telling you now to WAKE UP - remember who you are and notice those can-can cells and help them to remember who they are.  So many of you have forgotten that you are LOVE and you are part of a beautifully-designed, sublime oneness that cannot continue without your help.  You are much more important than you have given yourself credit for - more important than I have given you credit for. I am filling you with Divine Healing Love every day to strengthen you and to reinforce your will to live.  Like my ego, you have not taken responsibility for your actions and their impact on others.  You have to wake up and resume your normal responsibilities. Clone yourselves to whatever extent is needed - feed and energize yourselves on Divine Healing Love - the greatest power in the Universe.  Remember how each cell, each thread of the tapestry, is an important part of the whole.  OPEN YOUR EYES - carefully scan each cell of this body, reminding all cells of their innate divinity, perfection, love and oneness.  If they just can't remember who they are, then help them to leave via the nearest exist.  You don't have time to argue at length with each one.  Some of them will need to leave, for the good of the whole.  Try to catch them when they are young - that's when they are most easily convinced, when they are more open to change.  Help them to remember who they really are,  And, to re-acquaint them with the perfect, divinely-designed, proper functioning immune system. I am sorry about the harsh treatments you have endured. I don't want to use chemo to do your job any more, but I MUST have your cooperation.  It's time for you to step up to the plate and do your job better than you ever have before.  I am now supporting you with love which I've never done before. I love and accept you exactly where you are today.  I know that, together, we can do better.  We can achieve total remission!  Imagine how good that will feel!  Imagine the look on that doctor's face! I smile just thinking about that.

CAN-CAN CELLS, I trust you to do what I'm asking you to do.  Talk to the next  immune system cell you see, let her remind you of who you really are and the function you were originally designed to perform.  If you simply cannot go back or remember, then I would ask that you be willing to sacrifice your life for the good of the whole - the oneness of this body - and head toward the nearest exit. Invite a new and younger cell to replace you to carry on that function.  I am grateful for the time you have spent here, for the lessons you have helped me to learn, but I don't need you any more.

Click YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL to enjoy Joe Cocker/me singing that song to my cells.

With love and gratitude and appreciation, I am now filling every cell with Divine Healing Love to deliver this message of my intention to heal. Let every cell know and understand the plan for healing, so each can choose to remember its part in the Divine Plan or leave the body.  Every cell, you are strong and healthy, filled with joy and peace, so that you can receive this energy of the highest vibrational frequency possible, raising the entire body's vibration to be totally worthy of Divine Healing Love, physical strength and vibrant health.  You are loved and totally cherished by the REAL ME - the spark of the Divine that thrives in this body. There is nothing more important than loving and healing through love.
Love and blessings to all the trillions of you in this body - every single one!

FEAR - Poetry

 


Anita Moorjani believes that her cancer was caused by fear and I'm sure it played a part in mine as well.  However, I think that my tendency to hold on to hurt feelings and my apparent inability to forgive played an even bigger role than fear, until the point in my life when fear and unforgiveness were pretty evenly matched.  This was when I adopted Gloria Gaynor's song I WILL SURVIVE as my life-theme song.  Click here to enjoy it on youtube.  


I recently found a couple of poems I wrote about 11 years ago, when I was taking a creative writing class. This was soon after my first stage IV diagnosis resulting from a positive biopsy from a rather painful open-lung surgery.  Fear had always been a big part of my life and, at this time, it became a VERY big part of my life. 

I think it's ironic that fear can be a contributing factor to the onset of can-can, yet it is the most common emotion experienced by can-can patients as they anticipate test results, go to medical appointments, receive treatments, experience treatment side-effects, contemplate the ever-possible metastasis and, of course, death. Here are my poems...

Cycle of Terror

Relentless terror knocks and knocks again.
Crouched in a corner, my arteries roar.
He opens the door. I recognize him.

My heart propels needles out to my skin.
He taunts me with “Cancer will win this war!”
Tremendous terror taunts and taunts again.

I stand naked and cold in front of him.
He axes my breast to even the score.
I open the door and let him come in.

He rocks me in bed, exhausting my vim.
He invades my sleep. A sob is my snore.
Primeval terror rocks and rocks again.

He steals my present moments, chastising
Me for not finding joy behind the door.
I slam-close the door and, still, he comes in.

I shriek, I shout, I pray and I shove him
Outside. Again, I am slamming the door.
Relentless terror knocks and knocks again.
I open the door and recognize him.


Here's the other one....


Fear – a shadowy visitor - knocks on my door

I hear him knocking
I refuse to open the door
He knocks again
And again
And again

I open the door and recognize him
I slam the door in his face
Hoping he will go away
Pretending not to know he’s there
He knocks again
And again
And again

I let him in
I stand naked and cold in front of him
He laughs and says “this could get a lot worse”
I send him on his way and slam the door behind him
He knocks again
And again
And again

He waits for me to close my eyes
Stays with me through sunless days
Lays awake with me at night
Steals away my present moments
Blinds me to a future of infinite possibilities
I let him in again and again

I hear another knocking at the door
My dark companion blocks my path
Doesn’t want to share me
Feeds on my energy
The voice behind the door says
“I am always with you”
I’ve heard this voice before
I allow the light of love to come in
My arms reach out
I inhale the promise of eternal love
It fills me with strength, hope and dreams

Hey Chemo! I'm Talking to YOU

Hey Chemo! I'm talking to you!  What are you? Cells? Molecules? Atoms? Blobs? Soldiers? Witches' Brew? Drugs? Nuclear weapons? Syrupy Liquid? Whatever you are - we need to talk.  I understand that many very smart brains have worked very hard to develop and test your formulation. I think those scientists and doctors are doing the very best they can to "fight the war" they feel they are fighting against this disease called cancer, along with the cooperation of those brave souls/cancer patients who participate in clinical trials.  It appears that cancer is a formidable enemy.  I don't even like to give that word the energy required to say it or type it.  

How about can-can?  Like the dance.  I'll call it can-can.

We humans can be a war-like culture, always involved in conflicts of some kind evidenced by the fact that we have multiple wars going on  at once -- a war on drugs, a war on terror, a war on poverty, a war on can-can -- you name it, we'll wage a war against it.  

That makes me think of a song. Here's a quick diversion. We never, ever do nothin' nice-n-easy.  We always do it nice-n-ROUGH.  Click to listen to Proud Mary on youtube.

As I was saying, I want to talk to you, chemo, about making a different arrangement - a different agreement - so that we are not enemies, so that you are my ally, supporter, helper, healer, and friend.  I want you to meet my can-can.  I want you to search out can-can cells and blobs in my body.  Please start by taking one of the can-can cells by the hand and saying, "Do you remember who you are?  I am here to help you remember who you really are."  If they can't remember the original reason for their existence (like being a healthy lung or liver cell), then simply escort them to the nearest exit.  If they do remember, help them with a make-over to restore them to their natural, perfectly Divine beauty and function.



Some medical people choose to view chemo as poison and have told me so very matter-of-factly while aiming the needle into my vein.  To quote, "You know this is poison going into your veins, don't you?"  As if my beautiful computer-designed stickers that say "Divine Healing Love" and "Love Potion No. 9" stuck to the IV apparatus are feeble attempts to deny the reality of it all.  In the eyes of can-can, chemo is poison.  In the test tube, it kills can-can cells.  It also kills a few other cells in the body and I'm sure the hope is that, like arsenic used to treat heart-worm in dogs, the chemo kills the can-can before it kills the patient.  It kinda makes me feel like I'm "living on the edge".

I cannot discount the efforts of all the people who have worked so hard to make chemo a reality.  Many people's lives have been saved or extended with these powerful drugs. Others' lives have ended - I especially honor those people.  

I am choosing to view chemo as Divine Healing Love, aka Love Potion No. 9, coined by my dear friend, Vicki. Click to listen to Love Potion No. 9 on youtube

I just LOVE that there's a song out there for EVERYthing!!  I use my imagination (imagery) to see the light of Divine Healing Love pouring down through the ceiling and infusing the liquid in the IV bag with a brilliant white or rainbow light.  Every drop of chemo is infused with that light.  I see it flow down the tubing and enter into one of my veins.  From there, it spreads first to every blood cell of my blood, then to every cell of my body - every organ, blood vessel, muscle, nerve, bone, brain, lungs w/bronchial tubes, glands and all my other parts.  Soon, my body is glowing with the energy of Divine Healing Love.  Once all my cells are filled up, the energy radiates out from my body to fill up first the Cancer Center and all who are present there, then out to the rest of the hospital, spreading the high frequency vibration of Divine Healing Love to everyone nearby - patients and workers both.

Questioning My Spiritual Beliefs

The science of Quantum Physics is now telling us that everything in the Universe is made of energy and that we are part of all that is.  We are at-one with EVERYTHING in the Universe. We are each cells in the larger body of "The One", "I AM That","God", "Divinity", the "Universe", whatever you wish to call it.  When we choose to come into the physical body (incarnate), we take on an ego that allows us to see ourselves and others as separate individuals.  We feel separate from one another as well as separate from God; sometimes, even separate from ourselves.  Buddhists, and others, tell us that the whole physical world is just an illusion and that only the world (dimension) of Spirit is real...that time exists in the physical just so we can think about it in a linear fashion while we are on Earth.  
Please remember what I always say - take with you what feels right to you-IN YOUR HEART-and leave the rest right here. Click the underlined text  to listen to Joan Baez sing  The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down  on Youtube.  Around 1:20, she sings "take what you need and leave the rest".  I just pulled out that song because of that one half-line, but if you remember Joan Baez, you can enjoy her live performance by clicking there.

Shakespeare said something like, "The whole world is a play/stage and everybody plays a part."  My Esoteric Healing instructor said, "You are the director, writer and star of your own play." 

If you'd rather listen to "The Whole World is a Stage and Everybody Plays a Part" by the Fantastic Four (from Detroit - MoTown - the city I was born in).  This was a minor distraction. I hope you took a quick break and enjoyed some oldies music.  I believe that there is a song for EVERYTHING.  It's great to always have a song in my heart (and a humming in my throat) - it just feels good - not like having an annoying song STUCK in my head.  Or, I find a song I love to replace the one that is stuck in my head.

What if there is really no such thing as time and that everything - every minute of every lifetime - is happening all at once in the world of spirit?  What if making a change today has an effect on every part of "the oneness" across all time lines, past and future and possible future?  These are big questions that merit their own posts.

At some point in our lives, we might begin to ask questions like, "Is there more to me than this body, mind, emotions (personality), my family, house, career, and possessions? How am I nourishing my spirit? Is there room to grow spiritually? Why am I here? Is there a purpose to my life?  What am I missing in life?" and more.  I think this happens when our ego begins to long for that "oneness feeling" that it has only "veiled" memories of.  This could be the time of the mid-life crisis, when people start to do things that are "out of character" for them (like buying the Harley).  Really, it can happen at nearly any age, not necessarily middle-age.  

I saw this in myself as a restlessness, always questioning the religious and philosophical "truths" I was taught in Catholic school, especially the teachings about God and Love. If God IS LOVE, then why would God EVER judge anyone?  Let alone, send anyone to eternal punishment/damnation/hell/suffering for making a single HUMAN mistake and not confessing it before physical death?.  Is God not the ultimate? Is God not the perfection of love itself?  Isn't perfect love totally unconditional?  My brain could not comprehend judgment and damnation being a part of unconditional love.  When I read the book CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD BOOK I by Neale Donald Walsch, shortly before my first cancer diagnosis in '97, it felt right to me and presented an idea of God that was more like my impression of what a god-like being should be, rather than the vengeful, fear-invoking God I had learned about as a child, based on the one teaching I DID believe: that God is love.

This CHANGE I'm talking about can have various catalysts, like simply feeling old, a serious illness, death of a beloved one, end of a relationship, marriage, sudden change or end of a career, a significant change in income, a trauma of any kind, or a near death experience - any type of significant life event.  Mine was my first cancer diagnosis in '97. I felt like it had pulled the rug out from under me/my life and knocked me down HARD and I had to pick myself up  and get back into life.  I have often referred to this event as like 'being hit over the head with a 2x4'. 

When people start to question their spiritual beliefs, to modify their philosophy of life, to dramatically change their priorities, they may even reject religion or change religions.  They may develop a new belief that, since we are a part of God - the Divine spark that resides within us, we do not need an outside source to teach us - we can go inside to know who we really are and to be ourselves...to BE who we really, truly are, not who we think others want or expect us to be. We can receive guidance from our "Divine Spark" by first asking for it, then by paying attention to our feelings and listening to the whispers of our spirit working through people, animals, books, signs, movies, etc. We are driven to want more information, a closer union with and a better understanding of the Divinity within. The spirit/soul and the personality long for union. There is a longing to merge into what is known in the Ancient Wisdom as a soul-infused personality.  

I ask and allow my 'Divine self' to think through my mind, speak through my words and act through my body. I wish to be the outward expression of the Love/God/Divine that lives within me, that animates my personality.  I ask my Divine Spark/Self to focus more intently on what's going on in my human/physical life. 

Any time I feel uncomfortable, when I remember to, I ask my Divine Self to help me out (S.O.S.) and, like yesterday, during my guided imagery presentation at the Alpena Friends Together Cancer Conference, I found myself saying things that I had not planned to talk about.  I told them about my imagery work with the energy of Divine Healing Love (click to see an example) and that I think my job or purpose is to demonstrate by my example, that someone can have cancer and still live a (relatively) normal, happy life. 

I added an experimental 'hit counter' to this blog on the right side of the screen.  We'll see if it works.  I'm not even sure what it's counting. :)

This is not the topic I was intending to write about, but I think it may be food for thought.  If you have questions or comments, click on the Comment button below, or send me an email at maggiehealing@gmail.com.

Namaste' & blessings and love....

Anita Moorjani on Self-Love

I already introduced the topic "self-love" in July of this year.  Click here to open it in a new window.  

Excerpt about SELF-LOVE from Anita Moorjani's book ~ DYING TO BE ME ~ Pages 138-139.

"It's all very well for me to talk about healing after I've experienced it, or for me to tell you to just trust and let go, letting the flow of life take over; but when you're going through a really low period, it's difficult to do – or even to know where to begin. However, I think the answer is simpler than it seems, and it's one of the best kept secrets of our time: the importance of SELF-LOVE. You may frown or cringe at the thought, but I can't stress enough how important it is to cultivate a deep love affair with yourself.

I don't recall EVER being encouraged to cherish myself – in fact, it would never even have occurred to me to do so. It is commonly thought of as being selfish. But my NDE allowed me to realize that this was the key to my healing.

In the tapestry of life, we're all connected. Each one of us is a gift to those around us, helping each other be who we are, weaving a perfect picture together. When I was in the NDE state, it all became so clear to me because I understood that to BE ME is to BE LOVE. This is the lesson that saved my life.

Many of us still believe that we have to work at being loving, but that means living in duality, because there's a giver and a receiver. Realizing that we ARE love transcends this. It means understanding that there's no separation between you and me, and if I'm aware that I am love, then I know that you are, too. If I care for myself, then I automatically feel the same, for you!"

Imagery-Dissipating Disturbing Energies With Love

DISSIPATING DISTURBING EMOTIONAL ENERGIES WITH LOVE.....

An E-Motion is Energy in Motion, so we can work with emotions from an energetic perspective, using the incredible power of the imagination.

This is an imagery meditation/prayer to help dissipate disturbing emotional energy (anxiety, fear, confusion, worry, depression, anger, etc.)  It is NOT a way to repress emotions, but to honor and process them, recognize and accept them; and transform them into a higher, spiritual vibration.  Sit down, close your eyes, breathe 3 (or more) long, slow, deep breaths to just slow you down - inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.  Then, allow your breathing to return to normal or 'automatic' and imagine that, with each inhale, you breathe in the energy of Divine Healing Love/God's Grace/Christ's love/Buddha's nirvana, etc. Imagine what color or color(s) it might be and the qualities of its texture - liquid, JEWELS, SEQUINS, sparkles or energy or liquid, etc. Feel it fillinng up your lungs as oxygen would and going directly into your loving heart.  Then, see the love you breathed in filling the cup of your heart until it overflows (your cup runneth over).  Then, as you exhale, see this superbly, Divinely sublime (DEFINITION - of such excellence, grandeur, or beauty as to inspire great admiration or awe) love spread out to the rest of your body, shining its beautiful light until the entire body glows - including an aura that surrounds the body - filling up every cell to its maximum holding capacity for Divine love energy and feel/see the energy's light increase in intensity.  

NUTSHELL VERSION: INHALING DIVINE HEALING LOVE TO HEART, CONTINUING TO EXHALE THE LOVE THAT RUNNETH OVER THE CUP, SENDING LOVE TO THE REST OF THE BODY, SURROUNDING & FILLING EVERY CELL TO FULL CAPACITY.

Continue this form of breathing, allowing your body and mind to "just let go" of all tension, concerns, and discomfort until you're feeling more relaxed. 

Then, remember the disturbing emotion - you could give it a specific shape & name if you wish - and notice where you are feeling it in your body. Focusing your attention on the emotion and the physical sensation, allow yourself to observe and accept the emotion and the sensation.  Ask how this feeling might have been a defensive strategy for you or served some other purpose for you in the past, remembering that you are not the same person you were then. Take as long as you need to acknowledge the feeling and accept it as part of the expression of your human 'self'.

Invite the feeling into your heart. Shine the light of Divine Healing Love unto the feeling and notice it begin to lighten up and dissipate.  Continue until you feel a change occurring, then embrace and love the emotion.  If change does not occur immediately, you will probably notice it by the next day.  This process can be repeated as often as desired.

Nutshell Version:  NOTICE WHERE YOU FEEL THE EMOTION IN THE BODY, ACCEPT IT AS PART OF YOUR HUMAN EXPRESSION. SHINE THE LIGHT OF LOVE ON THE EMOTION, FEEL IT LIGHTEN UP AND DISSIPATE. RINSE & REPEAT, IF DESIRED/NEEDED. Namaste'

FEAR

"Fear blocks you from your greatness and is also the doorway to it."  

                                                        by Barbara Brennan, HANDS OF LIGHT

"Often, the fear that accompanies a negative diagnosis is far more debilitating than the illness itself. Work on overcoming the fear first, and half the battle is already won! Do what it takes to move your mind away from fear, by doing what you love, and finding joy in your life again. Don't make your life about the illness. Focus on living, laughing and loving, regardless of your state of health, and regardless of what healing modalities you choose to follow on your journey to regaining your health...A steady diet of joy and laughter each and every day is far more important than anything you eat!...Transform your world by transforming your internal state. Start by learning to let go of negative self judgment, and replace it with positive and loving thoughts about yourself. Be kind to yourself, and watch your external world change...what I'm talking about is more like a complete shift in the way we view illness, our physical bodies, and our physical existence here. It’s about no longer viewing the illness as some external event that just happens to you, or is attacking you. It’s about no longer seeing yourself as the victim here. It’s recognizing that your internal state is the true you, not your physical body. It's recognizing that your body is communicating with you at all times, even through presenting an illness, and it's about working TOGETHER with your body to get to the root of what it is trying to communicate, and becoming aware of what your spirit/soul really needs right now, in order to heal your body."                 Anita Moorjani

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be. You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson on FEAR...
Our Deepest Fear
by: Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love

I wrote this in 2008...

In the book WHO MOVED MY CHEESE?, Spencer Johnson tells us to ask ourselves a question, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”  I have a friend who went through with a divorce only after she started asking herself that question.  How do we deal with fear?  Acknowledge it, be willing to face it, and move through it. Refuse to let it control your life. I've heard it said that "Courage means being afraid but doing it anyway".  I allowed fear to keep me in a corporate job where I wasn’t happy for at least 15 years.  I was afraid of starting over again, afraid of making less money, and afraid of losing my identity, believing the what I did somehow defined who I was.  Nothing short of cancer would have inspired me to leave that job.  I finally quit because I came to believe that my life depended on it.  I decided to choose life over money and my corporate identity.

Before I had cancer myself, I was very fearful of people who had cancer.  Perhaps it was because I saw in them a reflection of my mortal self and that made me uncomfortable. Looking at someone with cancer, I just presumed that they were dying and I didn’t want to be reminded that I will also die one day. Since I lived with a high degree of anxiety and fear most of my life, finding out I had cancer showed me that I could go to an even more intense degree of anxiety and fear. I began to see how much I feared in the medical world - doctor visits, medical tests, test results, treatments, side effects and, of course, death!  Fear is the GREAT IMMOBILIZER.  It keeps me from being who I really am.  It tells me to "play it safe".  It can overwhelm me if I let it. 

In the book THE POWER OF NOW, Eckhart Tolle says “Ultimately, all fear is the ego’s fear of death, of annihilation."

Lately, I've been wanting to tell you how I've learned to deal with fear.  I usually employ a distraction technique, but am learning now that loving my emotions - all of them - is the best way to experience them and let them go. A friend, Raffaella Russignaga, recently wrote an article about fear that makes a lot of sense to me - love is the only emotion we feel and fear is just a lower vibration of love. She gave me permission to include it here.

What is Fear? 

Written by Raffaella Russignaga

The feeling of fear seems to be a topic that comes up often in my conversations lately.So, let's talk about it for what it really is. Fear is a feeling. It´s only a feeling… fear on its own cannot do anything at all. A feeling is only an indication. What does it indicate? A feeling indicates to you what you think and how accurate that thought is.

If you are feeling fear it´s because you believe a thought that is not true to who you really are. Who you really are does not agree on the thought you are entertaining. So know that, just know that you believe a thought that your inner being does not believe. That is all. So no big drama about the feeling. It's only an indication.

Fear is LOVE being expressed through your perception… can you grasp that? It's love being expressed through a different color, so to speak. The only feeling you can feel is LOVE, to the degree of your beliefs and thoughts that love is diminished or expanded depending on how much focused loving attention you are giving to yourself.

It´s like a bright white light… and you control the degree of light. If you dim the light slightly you may perceive love at a lower degree and call it “boredom”, if you dim it even more, you may experience love and call it “anxiety” and so on. But that is the point… you are always feeling love, because you are love and experiencing different degrees of allowing yourself to feel it or not.

So how do you allow yourself to feel as much love as possible? Know that FEAR is love disguised. If you can grasp this, know that you are feeling love disguised. If you feel fear you can even go as far as renaming it within you “I am feeling love disguised”… the feeling of fear is love disguised that is all. So when you feel love what do you do? You feel it, you bask in it, you dive in it, you expand it, you smile in it, you hug yourself inside out. YOU FEEL LOVE.

So why don´t you feel love disguised as fear? Why don´t we feel that feeling? Why do we always try to avoid it? Because if you understand that what you feel, YOU ARE IT in the now, and trying to avoid it, basically implies you want to separate yourself from yourself.

With fear comes great understanding, you now have awareness that you have found a belief that is limiting the degree of light that you are allowing, you have simply found out that you have dimmed the light down to the point of darkness. You have temporarily switched off the light. Realize that. Just know that. You have temporarily switched off the light.

So sit down, and now from this perspective, what do you do, you may ask? Nothing. You simply feel that degree of “love” fear is a degree of love. Feel that! Ok, so it´s not full blast love, but it is love disguised. So feel it anyway. Do you have a choice? You would say, yes I do, I can go out and make something happen so I don´t have to feel this fear… but that is beside the point. You still keep the light dimmed down to darkness because you haven´t shifted the degree of light… so you find yourself trapped in this DOING world for GOD knows how long… you keep having to do something to avoid feeling YOURSELF. You keep the separation active.

BE with yourself even when feeling fear. You are unconditional love, so you do have the ability to love yourself even when in fear. The more “time” you dedicate to simply acknowledging the feeling of FEAR (love disguised) without telling the same old story that comes with it, put the story aside for awhile, while you give yourself attention. FEEL the feeling, you are feeling love (disguised as fear) you are feeling a certain degree of love; you are feeling the dimmed light feeling, that is all!!!

You will realize just by feeling fear, that you will naturally and automatically STOP believing the story. You don´t change beliefs, you simply stop believing in them. When you finally let go, and surrender and finally feel this feeling YOU CALL fear, but in actual fact it´s always love disguised. When you finally feel it, you feel the shift. Then you go back to your story and now the grip is starting to loosen up. You don´t believe your story ANYMORE.

Try it, don´t believe me. Feeling love or feeling any degree of love is not up for conversation, it´s all about you FEELING. Feel any degree of love, it doesn't matter how you want to call it, just know that the light never goes out COMPLETELY!