Self-Love

I have come to believe that self-love is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL to the process of healing. All other love grows from self-love. Without self-love, there is little motivation to heal, there is no impelling Will to Live.

Anita Moorjani (DYING TO BE ME), Louise Hay (YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE), Barbra White (MAGNIFICENT YOU) and others have written about the importance of self-love, especially in healing. It can feel like an impossible task if the idea is foreign to you. I'm speaking from my own experience. I read about it years ago, I included it in presentations and in advising healing clients. I could not stress to them enough the magnitude of the importance of self-love. I facilitated a journaling group for a few years and we would always have the 'homework' of performing at least one act of loving self-care per week (and reporting back to the group). I started talking about (and even journaling about) self-love 16 years ago. I understood from a logical/mental standpoint that self-love was essential to healing; yet, somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought "It's okay. I can skip that part. It's not THAT important."  I could not have been more wrong!!!

I read Anita Moorjani's book the same week I watched Wayne Dyer on Oprah and I remember him saying something like "I am God. We all are. We DESERVE self-love." Those two events made the light bulb finally turn on - I really DO need to love myself if I expect to heal through this cancer experience. 

I started by opening my heart to everyone I knew and everyone I saw. I talked of love to myself in the mirror (I could never do this before). I gave suggestions of self-love in all my guided imagery sessions. Guided imagery, even when I'm the guide, is the best meditation I've ever experienced. I read Barbra White's MAGNIFICENT YOU and that really helped me to understand that it IS possible to love oneself. And, I experienced Self-Acceptance Healing with Barbra White. I had judged myself very harshly and believed that I did not deserve to be loved - by anyone, especially not by myself. I had no idea what love really feels like. LOVE is amazing and magical. LOVE is everyone and everything - and I am part of that. I AM love. We all are love. Wayne Dyer says there is a spark of the Divine in each of us.  We are at once totally Divine and totally human. The Divine part is who we REALLY are.  The human part is pretty much an illusion we have created to exist in the physical dimension.

Click here to experience a wonderful 3-minute experience in feeling loved.  It's a video called "A Love Letter to You From the Universe"  by Gisele Frederich.

Self-love is about allowing myself to be who I really am - the Universe currently expressing itself as a human being (I think Wayne Dyer said that). It's about accepting that I am also human with all my human eccentricities, imperfections and emotions - both negative and positive - with an attitude of compassion and love in place of judgment and criticism. It's about making sure that my needs are fulfilled, that my voice is heard, that I communicate my truth from my heart and that I AM LOVE in thought, word and action.  It's about "giving myself a break" from the stress of always striving for perfection. It's about believing that I am lovable just because I exist (thank you, Anita Moorjani). 

Self-love is about loving myself the way I would love my own child. I remember when my daughter, Erin, was little, and I had said something like, "I will always love you, no matter what."  She asked if I would still love her if she was mean to me.  I said, "yes".  Then, she asked if I would still love her if she was punching me and I again replied in the affirmative. Then she asked if I would still love her if she was stabbing me with a knife, trying to kill me.  After some thought, I realized that the answer was yes. That's what "no matter what" means.  I certainly wouldn't be happy or enjoy it, but I would still love her.  This is the kind of love I am giving to myself and it has totally changed who I am.

Here is a challenge for you: write in your journal (or just make a plan for) what you will do for yourself today or tomorrow that is an act of loving self-care, a demonstration of self-love. It's a great way to start on the path to totally unconditional self-love. With much love from my heart to yours ♥ Mellifluous Mega-Magnificent Maggie McDee ♥

Hey CELLS! I'm Talking to YOU.

I decided in a previous post that I would not use the word cancxx any more (except for search engines).  Instead, I am using the word can-can (like the dance).  As always, if something I say doesn't resonate with you and your beliefs, then please just 'put it on the shelf' and move on.  Take what you find useful and leave the rest.

When we assume a physical body, we forget who we really are -- spirit, but a spark of the Divine continues to live within us.  When we remember that we are all one in spirit and that SPIRIT is who we really are, then we know that what happens to one of us human beings has an effect on all of us because of our  spiritual inter-connectedness.  I wonder if the same is true of the cells inside our physical bodies.  When normal, healthy body cells become can-can cells, perhaps they lose the memory of who they really are. I want to help them to remember that they are part of the oneness of this body and that their normal, perfect, healthy functioning as part of the oneness is essential for the continued health,  well-being, and the very life of the body. 

This body is the vehicle my Self has chosen for her journey through this physical lifetime.  It's time for me to realize/KNOW this in every cell of my being. My spirit Self is already fully aware of this. 

CAN-CAN CELLS, this is for you...WAKE UP!  I said WAKE UP!  You have forgotten who you are, who you REALLY are.  I want you to remember who you really are. You have strayed from the perfect Divine plan for you that was part of the original programming for this body.  You were designed to be part of the oneness of this physical body.  You have become detached from source, where the Divine Plan comes from...making up your own plan without realizing the impact is has on the oneness of all the cells of the whole body.

Speaking of 'waking up', click to play MAGGIE MAY on youtube.  I knew that, eventually, this song would end up in one of my posts.  Rod wrote it for me after that delightful summer we spent together in Paris, back in our carefree days of youth.

Okay, CAN-CAN CELLS, I know that you started out as a very diverse group - some were short-lived, some bigger and stronger, some smaller and more delicate, most highly specialized cells.  I know you felt like you were alone, unsupported, as if you weren't part of the larger whole, the oneness of the cells of these organs of this body, to keep it running smoothly and efficiently.  I never thought to fill you with the energy of Divine Healing Love and I did not appreciate all you have done for me when you were functioning normally, according to the original plan.  I've used multiple methods to try to kill you. Is it any wonder that you have forgotten who you really are? Is it any wonder that you don't feel loved?  

BRAIN CELLS, you must be tired from all the intense thinking I've done over the years - always wanting to know WHY and always trying to figure things out.  Always looking for logical solutions to problems, as I did when I was a computer programmer, systems analyst and project manager.  All the nights I laid awake strategizing and analyzing, always analyzing, trying to understand life from a logical/mental perspective instead of a feeling/emotional perspective.  You brain cells worked together to organize the other cells into organs and systems and provide instructions to individual cells.  You kept all the cells working in total cooperation with all other cells, all connected and communicating.  It takes the combined intelligence of each unique cell to support a healthy physical body.  Some of your communication channels have become clogged or tangled up.  It's time for a thorough cleansing.  Open up those clogged channels and remind those immune system cells to do their job. So, WAKE UP, brain cells.  Feel the Divine Healing Love I am feeding you every day.  Use this extra energy to clean up the mess and put things 'back in order.'
IMMUNE SYSTEM CELLS, you must be VERY tired, even confused, from chemo and radiation and can-can.  Many of you have also forgotten who you really are.  And, many of your friends have died, so perhaps you are fearing the same fate.  Perhaps you are hiding your innate magnificence. You seem to no longer recognize can-can cells as invaders - you are denying their existence.  I'm telling you now to WAKE UP - remember who you are and notice those can-can cells and help them to remember who they are.  So many of you have forgotten that you are LOVE and you are part of a beautifully-designed, sublime oneness that cannot continue without your help.  You are much more important than you have given yourself credit for - more important than I have given you credit for. I am filling you with Divine Healing Love every day to strengthen you and to reinforce your will to live.  Like my ego, you have not taken responsibility for your actions and their impact on others.  You have to wake up and resume your normal responsibilities. Clone yourselves to whatever extent is needed - feed and energize yourselves on Divine Healing Love - the greatest power in the Universe.  Remember how each cell, each thread of the tapestry, is an important part of the whole.  OPEN YOUR EYES - carefully scan each cell of this body, reminding all cells of their innate divinity, perfection, love and oneness.  If they just can't remember who they are, then help them to leave via the nearest exist.  You don't have time to argue at length with each one.  Some of them will need to leave, for the good of the whole.  Try to catch them when they are young - that's when they are most easily convinced, when they are more open to change.  Help them to remember who they really are,  And, to re-acquaint them with the perfect, divinely-designed, proper functioning immune system. I am sorry about the harsh treatments you have endured. I don't want to use chemo to do your job any more, but I MUST have your cooperation.  It's time for you to step up to the plate and do your job better than you ever have before.  I am now supporting you with love which I've never done before. I love and accept you exactly where you are today.  I know that, together, we can do better.  We can achieve total remission!  Imagine how good that will feel!  Imagine the look on that doctor's face! I smile just thinking about that.

CAN-CAN CELLS, I trust you to do what I'm asking you to do.  Talk to the next  immune system cell you see, let her remind you of who you really are and the function you were originally designed to perform.  If you simply cannot go back or remember, then I would ask that you be willing to sacrifice your life for the good of the whole - the oneness of this body - and head toward the nearest exit. Invite a new and younger cell to replace you to carry on that function.  I am grateful for the time you have spent here, for the lessons you have helped me to learn, but I don't need you any more.

Click YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL to enjoy Joe Cocker/me singing that song to my cells.

With love and gratitude and appreciation, I am now filling every cell with Divine Healing Love to deliver this message of my intention to heal. Let every cell know and understand the plan for healing, so each can choose to remember its part in the Divine Plan or leave the body.  Every cell, you are strong and healthy, filled with joy and peace, so that you can receive this energy of the highest vibrational frequency possible, raising the entire body's vibration to be totally worthy of Divine Healing Love, physical strength and vibrant health.  You are loved and totally cherished by the REAL ME - the spark of the Divine that thrives in this body. There is nothing more important than loving and healing through love.
Love and blessings to all the trillions of you in this body - every single one!

FEAR - Poetry

 


Anita Moorjani believes that her cancer was caused by fear and I'm sure it played a part in mine as well.  However, I think that my tendency to hold on to hurt feelings and my apparent inability to forgive played an even bigger role than fear, until the point in my life when fear and unforgiveness were pretty evenly matched.  This was when I adopted Gloria Gaynor's song I WILL SURVIVE as my life-theme song.  Click here to enjoy it on youtube.  


I recently found a couple of poems I wrote about 11 years ago, when I was taking a creative writing class. This was soon after my first stage IV diagnosis resulting from a positive biopsy from a rather painful open-lung surgery.  Fear had always been a big part of my life and, at this time, it became a VERY big part of my life. 

I think it's ironic that fear can be a contributing factor to the onset of can-can, yet it is the most common emotion experienced by can-can patients as they anticipate test results, go to medical appointments, receive treatments, experience treatment side-effects, contemplate the ever-possible metastasis and, of course, death. Here are my poems...

Cycle of Terror

Relentless terror knocks and knocks again.
Crouched in a corner, my arteries roar.
He opens the door. I recognize him.

My heart propels needles out to my skin.
He taunts me with “Cancer will win this war!”
Tremendous terror taunts and taunts again.

I stand naked and cold in front of him.
He axes my breast to even the score.
I open the door and let him come in.

He rocks me in bed, exhausting my vim.
He invades my sleep. A sob is my snore.
Primeval terror rocks and rocks again.

He steals my present moments, chastising
Me for not finding joy behind the door.
I slam-close the door and, still, he comes in.

I shriek, I shout, I pray and I shove him
Outside. Again, I am slamming the door.
Relentless terror knocks and knocks again.
I open the door and recognize him.


Here's the other one....


Fear – a shadowy visitor - knocks on my door

I hear him knocking
I refuse to open the door
He knocks again
And again
And again

I open the door and recognize him
I slam the door in his face
Hoping he will go away
Pretending not to know he’s there
He knocks again
And again
And again

I let him in
I stand naked and cold in front of him
He laughs and says “this could get a lot worse”
I send him on his way and slam the door behind him
He knocks again
And again
And again

He waits for me to close my eyes
Stays with me through sunless days
Lays awake with me at night
Steals away my present moments
Blinds me to a future of infinite possibilities
I let him in again and again

I hear another knocking at the door
My dark companion blocks my path
Doesn’t want to share me
Feeds on my energy
The voice behind the door says
“I am always with you”
I’ve heard this voice before
I allow the light of love to come in
My arms reach out
I inhale the promise of eternal love
It fills me with strength, hope and dreams

Questioning My Spiritual Beliefs

The science of Quantum Physics is now telling us that everything in the Universe is made of energy and that we are part of all that is.  We are at-one with EVERYTHING in the Universe. We are each cells in the larger body of "The One", "I AM That","God", "Divinity", the "Universe", whatever you wish to call it.  When we choose to come into the physical body (incarnate), we take on an ego that allows us to see ourselves and others as separate individuals.  We feel separate from one another as well as separate from God; sometimes, even separate from ourselves.  Buddhists, and others, tell us that the whole physical world is just an illusion and that only the world (dimension) of Spirit is real...that time exists in the physical just so we can think about it in a linear fashion while we are on Earth.  
Please remember what I always say - take with you what feels right to you-IN YOUR HEART-and leave the rest right here. Click the underlined text  to listen to Joan Baez sing  The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down  on Youtube.  Around 1:20, she sings "take what you need and leave the rest".  I just pulled out that song because of that one half-line, but if you remember Joan Baez, you can enjoy her live performance by clicking there.

Shakespeare said something like, "The whole world is a play/stage and everybody plays a part."  My Esoteric Healing instructor said, "You are the director, writer and star of your own play." 

If you'd rather listen to "The Whole World is a Stage and Everybody Plays a Part" by the Fantastic Four (from Detroit - MoTown - the city I was born in).  This was a minor distraction. I hope you took a quick break and enjoyed some oldies music.  I believe that there is a song for EVERYTHING.  It's great to always have a song in my heart (and a humming in my throat) - it just feels good - not like having an annoying song STUCK in my head.  Or, I find a song I love to replace the one that is stuck in my head.

What if there is really no such thing as time and that everything - every minute of every lifetime - is happening all at once in the world of spirit?  What if making a change today has an effect on every part of "the oneness" across all time lines, past and future and possible future?  These are big questions that merit their own posts.

At some point in our lives, we might begin to ask questions like, "Is there more to me than this body, mind, emotions (personality), my family, house, career, and possessions? How am I nourishing my spirit? Is there room to grow spiritually? Why am I here? Is there a purpose to my life?  What am I missing in life?" and more.  I think this happens when our ego begins to long for that "oneness feeling" that it has only "veiled" memories of.  This could be the time of the mid-life crisis, when people start to do things that are "out of character" for them (like buying the Harley).  Really, it can happen at nearly any age, not necessarily middle-age.  

I saw this in myself as a restlessness, always questioning the religious and philosophical "truths" I was taught in Catholic school, especially the teachings about God and Love. If God IS LOVE, then why would God EVER judge anyone?  Let alone, send anyone to eternal punishment/damnation/hell/suffering for making a single HUMAN mistake and not confessing it before physical death?.  Is God not the ultimate? Is God not the perfection of love itself?  Isn't perfect love totally unconditional?  My brain could not comprehend judgment and damnation being a part of unconditional love.  When I read the book CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD BOOK I by Neale Donald Walsch, shortly before my first cancer diagnosis in '97, it felt right to me and presented an idea of God that was more like my impression of what a god-like being should be, rather than the vengeful, fear-invoking God I had learned about as a child, based on the one teaching I DID believe: that God is love.

This CHANGE I'm talking about can have various catalysts, like simply feeling old, a serious illness, death of a beloved one, end of a relationship, marriage, sudden change or end of a career, a significant change in income, a trauma of any kind, or a near death experience - any type of significant life event.  Mine was my first cancer diagnosis in '97. I felt like it had pulled the rug out from under me/my life and knocked me down HARD and I had to pick myself up  and get back into life.  I have often referred to this event as like 'being hit over the head with a 2x4'. 

When people start to question their spiritual beliefs, to modify their philosophy of life, to dramatically change their priorities, they may even reject religion or change religions.  They may develop a new belief that, since we are a part of God - the Divine spark that resides within us, we do not need an outside source to teach us - we can go inside to know who we really are and to be ourselves...to BE who we really, truly are, not who we think others want or expect us to be. We can receive guidance from our "Divine Spark" by first asking for it, then by paying attention to our feelings and listening to the whispers of our spirit working through people, animals, books, signs, movies, etc. We are driven to want more information, a closer union with and a better understanding of the Divinity within. The spirit/soul and the personality long for union. There is a longing to merge into what is known in the Ancient Wisdom as a soul-infused personality.  

I ask and allow my 'Divine self' to think through my mind, speak through my words and act through my body. I wish to be the outward expression of the Love/God/Divine that lives within me, that animates my personality.  I ask my Divine Spark/Self to focus more intently on what's going on in my human/physical life. 

Any time I feel uncomfortable, when I remember to, I ask my Divine Self to help me out (S.O.S.) and, like yesterday, during my guided imagery presentation at the Alpena Friends Together Cancer Conference, I found myself saying things that I had not planned to talk about.  I told them about my imagery work with the energy of Divine Healing Love (click to see an example) and that I think my job or purpose is to demonstrate by my example, that someone can have cancer and still live a (relatively) normal, happy life. 

I added an experimental 'hit counter' to this blog on the right side of the screen.  We'll see if it works.  I'm not even sure what it's counting. :)

This is not the topic I was intending to write about, but I think it may be food for thought.  If you have questions or comments, click on the Comment button below, or send me an email at maggiehealing@gmail.com.

Namaste' & blessings and love....

Anita Moorjani on Self-Love

I already introduced the topic "self-love" in July of this year.  Click here to open it in a new window.  

Excerpt about SELF-LOVE from Anita Moorjani's book ~ DYING TO BE ME ~ Pages 138-139.

"It's all very well for me to talk about healing after I've experienced it, or for me to tell you to just trust and let go, letting the flow of life take over; but when you're going through a really low period, it's difficult to do – or even to know where to begin. However, I think the answer is simpler than it seems, and it's one of the best kept secrets of our time: the importance of SELF-LOVE. You may frown or cringe at the thought, but I can't stress enough how important it is to cultivate a deep love affair with yourself.

I don't recall EVER being encouraged to cherish myself – in fact, it would never even have occurred to me to do so. It is commonly thought of as being selfish. But my NDE allowed me to realize that this was the key to my healing.

In the tapestry of life, we're all connected. Each one of us is a gift to those around us, helping each other be who we are, weaving a perfect picture together. When I was in the NDE state, it all became so clear to me because I understood that to BE ME is to BE LOVE. This is the lesson that saved my life.

Many of us still believe that we have to work at being loving, but that means living in duality, because there's a giver and a receiver. Realizing that we ARE love transcends this. It means understanding that there's no separation between you and me, and if I'm aware that I am love, then I know that you are, too. If I care for myself, then I automatically feel the same, for you!"

FEAR

"Fear blocks you from your greatness and is also the doorway to it."  

                                                        by Barbara Brennan, HANDS OF LIGHT

"Often, the fear that accompanies a negative diagnosis is far more debilitating than the illness itself. Work on overcoming the fear first, and half the battle is already won! Do what it takes to move your mind away from fear, by doing what you love, and finding joy in your life again. Don't make your life about the illness. Focus on living, laughing and loving, regardless of your state of health, and regardless of what healing modalities you choose to follow on your journey to regaining your health...A steady diet of joy and laughter each and every day is far more important than anything you eat!...Transform your world by transforming your internal state. Start by learning to let go of negative self judgment, and replace it with positive and loving thoughts about yourself. Be kind to yourself, and watch your external world change...what I'm talking about is more like a complete shift in the way we view illness, our physical bodies, and our physical existence here. It’s about no longer viewing the illness as some external event that just happens to you, or is attacking you. It’s about no longer seeing yourself as the victim here. It’s recognizing that your internal state is the true you, not your physical body. It's recognizing that your body is communicating with you at all times, even through presenting an illness, and it's about working TOGETHER with your body to get to the root of what it is trying to communicate, and becoming aware of what your spirit/soul really needs right now, in order to heal your body."                 Anita Moorjani

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be. You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson on FEAR...
Our Deepest Fear
by: Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love

I wrote this in 2008...

In the book WHO MOVED MY CHEESE?, Spencer Johnson tells us to ask ourselves a question, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”  I have a friend who went through with a divorce only after she started asking herself that question.  How do we deal with fear?  Acknowledge it, be willing to face it, and move through it. Refuse to let it control your life. I've heard it said that "Courage means being afraid but doing it anyway".  I allowed fear to keep me in a corporate job where I wasn’t happy for at least 15 years.  I was afraid of starting over again, afraid of making less money, and afraid of losing my identity, believing the what I did somehow defined who I was.  Nothing short of cancer would have inspired me to leave that job.  I finally quit because I came to believe that my life depended on it.  I decided to choose life over money and my corporate identity.

Before I had cancer myself, I was very fearful of people who had cancer.  Perhaps it was because I saw in them a reflection of my mortal self and that made me uncomfortable. Looking at someone with cancer, I just presumed that they were dying and I didn’t want to be reminded that I will also die one day. Since I lived with a high degree of anxiety and fear most of my life, finding out I had cancer showed me that I could go to an even more intense degree of anxiety and fear. I began to see how much I feared in the medical world - doctor visits, medical tests, test results, treatments, side effects and, of course, death!  Fear is the GREAT IMMOBILIZER.  It keeps me from being who I really am.  It tells me to "play it safe".  It can overwhelm me if I let it. 

In the book THE POWER OF NOW, Eckhart Tolle says “Ultimately, all fear is the ego’s fear of death, of annihilation."

Lately, I've been wanting to tell you how I've learned to deal with fear.  I usually employ a distraction technique, but am learning now that loving my emotions - all of them - is the best way to experience them and let them go. A friend, Raffaella Russignaga, recently wrote an article about fear that makes a lot of sense to me - love is the only emotion we feel and fear is just a lower vibration of love. She gave me permission to include it here.

What is Fear? 

Written by Raffaella Russignaga

The feeling of fear seems to be a topic that comes up often in my conversations lately.So, let's talk about it for what it really is. Fear is a feeling. It´s only a feeling… fear on its own cannot do anything at all. A feeling is only an indication. What does it indicate? A feeling indicates to you what you think and how accurate that thought is.

If you are feeling fear it´s because you believe a thought that is not true to who you really are. Who you really are does not agree on the thought you are entertaining. So know that, just know that you believe a thought that your inner being does not believe. That is all. So no big drama about the feeling. It's only an indication.

Fear is LOVE being expressed through your perception… can you grasp that? It's love being expressed through a different color, so to speak. The only feeling you can feel is LOVE, to the degree of your beliefs and thoughts that love is diminished or expanded depending on how much focused loving attention you are giving to yourself.

It´s like a bright white light… and you control the degree of light. If you dim the light slightly you may perceive love at a lower degree and call it “boredom”, if you dim it even more, you may experience love and call it “anxiety” and so on. But that is the point… you are always feeling love, because you are love and experiencing different degrees of allowing yourself to feel it or not.

So how do you allow yourself to feel as much love as possible? Know that FEAR is love disguised. If you can grasp this, know that you are feeling love disguised. If you feel fear you can even go as far as renaming it within you “I am feeling love disguised”… the feeling of fear is love disguised that is all. So when you feel love what do you do? You feel it, you bask in it, you dive in it, you expand it, you smile in it, you hug yourself inside out. YOU FEEL LOVE.

So why don´t you feel love disguised as fear? Why don´t we feel that feeling? Why do we always try to avoid it? Because if you understand that what you feel, YOU ARE IT in the now, and trying to avoid it, basically implies you want to separate yourself from yourself.

With fear comes great understanding, you now have awareness that you have found a belief that is limiting the degree of light that you are allowing, you have simply found out that you have dimmed the light down to the point of darkness. You have temporarily switched off the light. Realize that. Just know that. You have temporarily switched off the light.

So sit down, and now from this perspective, what do you do, you may ask? Nothing. You simply feel that degree of “love” fear is a degree of love. Feel that! Ok, so it´s not full blast love, but it is love disguised. So feel it anyway. Do you have a choice? You would say, yes I do, I can go out and make something happen so I don´t have to feel this fear… but that is beside the point. You still keep the light dimmed down to darkness because you haven´t shifted the degree of light… so you find yourself trapped in this DOING world for GOD knows how long… you keep having to do something to avoid feeling YOURSELF. You keep the separation active.

BE with yourself even when feeling fear. You are unconditional love, so you do have the ability to love yourself even when in fear. The more “time” you dedicate to simply acknowledging the feeling of FEAR (love disguised) without telling the same old story that comes with it, put the story aside for awhile, while you give yourself attention. FEEL the feeling, you are feeling love (disguised as fear) you are feeling a certain degree of love; you are feeling the dimmed light feeling, that is all!!!

You will realize just by feeling fear, that you will naturally and automatically STOP believing the story. You don´t change beliefs, you simply stop believing in them. When you finally let go, and surrender and finally feel this feeling YOU CALL fear, but in actual fact it´s always love disguised. When you finally feel it, you feel the shift. Then you go back to your story and now the grip is starting to loosen up. You don´t believe your story ANYMORE.

Try it, don´t believe me. Feeling love or feeling any degree of love is not up for conversation, it´s all about you FEELING. Feel any degree of love, it doesn't matter how you want to call it, just know that the light never goes out COMPLETELY!

Chemo Decision

CHEMO - to do it or not to do it?  Anita Moorjani did it, even though she knew she was healed.  I don't think Wayne Dyer did it, but he KNOWS he is healed.  When I was first diagnosed 1997, I did chemo because I was just plain scared and because my family members said they wanted me to do it because if I died without doing it, then I wouldn't have done ALL I COULD DO to 'fight' the cancer.  

Although I thought it was important to believe that chemo would actually help me, I just couldn't convince myself because it made no sense to me.  I was voluntarily putting poison into my body, which pretty much destroys the immune system, and the immune system is the best tool (natural healing) to get rid of the disease, so I never actually did believe it.  After I was done with chemo, I decided that I would NEVER do it again - because of the poison factor and because I never wanted to feel that sick again.

Over time, with some degrees of healing, I decided that the only circumstances under which I would do chemo would be if it would make me feel better.  Before that time, I had never heard of it helping anyone to feel better. Soon after that decision, I talked with 2 different people who told me that chemo had helped them to feel better.  I was shocked!  So, then I decided that if I couldn't breathe and someone told me chemo would help, then I would do it.  Breathing is the most essential function of this physical body.  

So, guess what happened?  I had a tumor in one of my bronchial tubes that totally blocked off one of the lobes in my lung.  I was coughing and short of breath and had surgery that removed only part of the tumor from the inside of my bronchial tube - a chunk of it was still outside of my bronchial tube.  Although there were other tumors in my body that were 'stable', that one kept growing and I agreed to do chemo, but told the doctor that my quality of life was very important and that I didn't want to be as sick as I had been in '97 because I had an extremely poor  quality of life at that time.  And, I have no desire to live that way again - ever.  

In 97-98, I spent all my time in a reclining position - on the couch mostly.  My white blood cell count was dangerously low, which made me susceptible to infections (potentially lethal), and I was advised against going out in public.  I also had several chemo treatments cancelled/postponed because of the low blood count (psychologically & emotionally difficult).  I had no energy, no appetite and lots of nausea - and no fun - for about 6-7 months.  

I have been on some form of chemo now for 15 months.  Oncologist strategy - as long as a treatment seems to be working (no new tumors, no growth of existing tumors), just keep doing it.  If the disease progresses, change the treatment.  I have been able to relax and meditate during treatments, visualizing the chemo as healing energy zapping tumors.  

So far, my quality of life has not suffered too much due to various drugs used to counteract the side effects.  Baldness is not painful and chemo brain and other minor side effects can be tolerated. How can you tell if memory problems are due to age, lack of estrogen or chemo? I still practice and teach yoga and participate in as many social activities as I want.  I am enJOYing my life now more than I ever have and am grateful for every day I wake up in the morning.  I also practice healing visualizations and lead 2 guided imagery groups, which feeds my spirit in a way that feels really good to me.  It's hard to find clipart on this subject.

Divinity=Infinity

Today, I was contemplating Divinity and Infinity.  As always, if what I say resonates with you, enjoy it.  If not, just let it go.  I believe that we each have a spark of the Divine that is sometimes called the 'higher self' or 'Divine self'.  Even one drop (spark) of the Divine must contain all of its properties  and, therefore, is infinite (even eternal).  So, our Divine spark is Infinite. The FreeDictionary.com defines infinite as "Having no boundaries or limits; immeasurably great or large; boundless".  

I remember in high school math  class objecting to the idea that one infinity (e.g. number of atoms in all Universes) could be greater in size than another infinity (number of atoms in our Universe) when, by definition, something that is infinite cannot be measured.  It seems like the one would be bigger than the other, but, in my mind the definition does not agree.

So, we are INFINITE beings, which means a part of us is:

OMNISCIENT - total knowing

OMNIPRESENT - total presence (it's everywhere)

OMNIPOTENT - all-Powerful; unlimited power

Can you imagine an INFINITE supply of these????

• Acceptance
• Allowing
• Awesomeness
• Beauty
• Color
• Comfort
• Confidence
• Delight
• Divinity
• Expansiveness
• Freedom
• Greatness
• Healing
• Honor
• Hope
• Ideas & Creativity
• Imagination
• Joy
• Knowledge
• Love
• Musical Selections
• Peace
• Possibilities
• Respect
• Self-Realization
• Space
• Spirit
• Stars & Planets
• Trust
• Understanding
• Well-being
• Wisdom
• Wonder

Can you just imagine it?

De-Frazzle: Journaling

The unexamined life is not worth living...Socrates

The best way I know of to examine one’s life is to write in a journal. Journaling has been, and continues to be, of tremendous help to me on my healing journey.  It allows me to remove the clutter in my thoughts and feelings – to get them out of my brain and onto paper - where I may be able to observe them from a different perspective.  It helps me to see myself and my life more clearly. It facilitates communication with my Higher Self.  It helps me to get the answers to my questions about myself.  It is my key to self-discovery and self-knowing. My journal is my sounding board, my friend and confidant, my life preserver, and my healing room. This examination of my thoughts and feelings increases my awareness of unhealthy thinking patterns and erroneous beliefs, so I can then choose to change them. 

CONFIDENTIALITY: If you wish to start journaling, I suggest you buy a new journal that appeals to you and call it your healing journal.  If you are concerned about anyone else reading your journal, then find a way to keep it well-hidden.  If you don’t want others reading it after you have passed on, then burn it when you’re finished with it or make it a stipulation in your will that you want your journal burned; or, make sure a trusted friend will take care of it for you.  If you prefer to journal on your computer and are concerned about others reading it, then password-protect your document.  In any case, it is VERY IMPORTANT that you have no concern about others reading what you write – you must be totally comfortable writing anything you wish in your private healing journal. 

APPROACHES: There are many possible approaches to journaling, so I will suggest a couple that I like to use.  I start by getting relaxed and sitting in a comfortable position, breathing deeply.  Being consciously aware of each breath, I close my eyes and imagine that I am in a place of beauty and safety.  Then, I set my intention to be in contact with my Higher Self (AKA inner teacher, soul, spirit, guide, angel, etc.) asking that my Higher Self reveal herself through my writing.  If this is not comfortable for you, just sit down and start writing whatever is in your mind.

MAKE A LIST.  This is simply what it is.  Make a list of whatever comes into your mind, like "advantages of chemo" or "things I love about myself..."  or "things that make me smile" or "What I've accomplished in my life"  or "things that made me smile today" or "things I want to remember about this season" or "what I want to accomplish in my life" or "people that I love", etc. The list of things that you can write lists about is endless.  One that feels particularly good is to make a list of five things, people, events, etc. in your life that you are grateful for - and write this list at the end of each day.  Think of new items to add from the day's events.  Make sure at least two items are things about YOU that you are grateful for.  The expression of gratitude on a regular basis can make a big, positive difference in one's outlook on life.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS writing can help you to move past your conscious thinking mind.  This is done by writing, without stopping, for at least 20 minutes at a time.  Just write whatever words are in your mind, without stopping to compose before writing, without stopping to make corrections, or for any reason.  Even if you have to write “I can’t think of anything to write,” don’t let the pen stop writing. Try this daily for a couple of weeks and see what happens.  This is a way of "priming the well", getting your writing "muscles" in shape.  It's also a way to lighten what feels like a burden of heavy thoughts weighing you down, especially those pesky repetitive thoughts. If you find yourself repeating yourself, then ask for some new, more productive or positive thoughts you can use to replace the old, negative thoughts.  

Another method is to...
WRITE A QUESTION, and then pause for a moment to listen for the answer, writing down whatever comes into your mind.  Or, better yet, after writing the question, move the pen into your non-dominant hand, then listen for the answer (you won't hear an actual voice) and write down whatever comes into your mind, without analyzing it.  This switches which side of your brain you're thinking with. Then, read it to see if it makes sense to you.  A question can be on any subject, like "why do I feel so exhausted today?" or "What makes me feel better when I'm feeling down?" or "Why did I react that way to...?"  WHY seems to be the most frequent question I ask myself, which I'm sure started when I was a small child.

WRITE A STORY.  Try this - write the story that describes the most joyful moment of your life. Use your senses to include every detail you can remember – the setting, the weather, what you were wearing, the people who were present, sounds, words, fragrance or taste, the emotions you experienced. Now, close your eyes and relax, replaying every detail of that memory in your mind. Re-live those joyful feelings as if it were happening again, right now. ENJOY the memory. Don’t allow your brain to insert any negative thoughts that might spoil your enjoyment.  Stay focused on the joy as long as you wish. Then, the next time you’re feeling down, bring yourself back to that joyful memory and repeat this exercise to see if it will lift your mood.


If your story has an unhappy ending, as the writer, you can change that. Imagine a different, perfect ending - one that helps you to FEEL BETTER.  It's not like you're writing for an audience that is going to judge the accuracy of what you write.  Or, write a whole new story that's totally fictional that just MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER.  Or, write the story of what you and your life will be like when you are totally healed.  Embellish it with as many details as you can IMAGINE - use all your senses to give your story more "life". FEEL GOOD about your story.

Clustering – Begin by choosing a word you want to write about.  Write it in the center of the page, then write down every word that comes to mind.  Write down words even if they don’t make sense and even words that seem odd or silly.  You can work in a circular fashion.  Keep concentrating on doing this and you’ll feel a shift in your consciousness as words just occur to you.  Write them down quickly before the judge censors them.  Notice how one word leads to another. Sometimes, your mind will jump to a more concrete word or an unexpected one.  Draw lines from one word to another as your thought moves from one to the other.  Do the clustering in whatever way works for you.  Later, you can use Stream of Consciousness writing from the ideas or feelings that emerge from the cluster and see what new thoughts arise.  Here is a typed example, for ease of reading.  I started with the word NOW and 'clustered' around it.

I often write prayers and affirmations in my journal. I believe that writing things down makes them more real, more concrete, more achievable, more believable.  My favorite affirmation now is I AM PEACEFUL. I AM JOYFUL. I AM VERY STRONG AND HEALTHY. 

Sources: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

Stirring the Waters by Janell Moon
Journaling for Joy by Joyce Chapman

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De-Frazzle: Conscious Breathing

Just pause for a few moments, close your eyes, and focus your attention on your breath.  Slowly, take in a nice, deep, calming breath, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.   Repeat this several times, pressing stale air out of your lungs on the exhale and rejuvenating all your body's cells with each inhale.  Oxygen is the basic food for every cell in your body.  You could even imagine that you are inhaling the ENERGY of RELAXATION and exhaling the ENERGY of tension, stress, and/or anything else you wish to let go of.  This is breathing consciously for a quick, refreshing break.  Its De-Frazzle-Action?

• Improves lung function
• Triggers the body's own Relaxation Response
• Oxygenates the blood
• Feels good

Here is a hand-out I have used with my yoga class...

Alternate Nostril Breathing

The index and middle fingers of the right hand are folded over and pressed against the palm or straightened out and touching the forehead.   The thumb is used to close the right nostril, and the ring and little fingers together close the left nostril.  Left-handed people may do the opposite.

Close off the right nostril with the right thumb.  Exhale and inhale through the left nostril.   Release the right nostril as you use your ring and little fingers to close off the left nostril.  Exhale and inhale through the right nostril. Continue for several minutes, alternating nostrils.

Using gentle pressure to hold each nostril closed, breathe slowly, smoothly, deeply and evenly.

Variation – pause for a few seconds after each inhale and exhale, holding both nostrils closed after the inhale.

BENEFITS:
[ Relaxes the entire body

[ Soothes the nervous system

[ Balances both sides of the brain 


Source: The Complete Yoga Book, by James Hewitt

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