A Message To My Body

I know that this body is the vehicle my Self has chosen for her journey through this physical lifetime. Along with my recently realized need to love myself, accepting all of me, including my quirks and imperfections, I had been thinking in terms of my personality-self.  I did not include you, Dear Body, because I have found it very difficult to love you. I was taught as a young person that the body is the "temple of the Holy Spirit", so the Holy Spirit must be my Higher Self - the part of me that is a spark of the Divine. I've already talked to the cells inside of me, now I need to make peace with my body.  That's right, make peace.

While reading, feel free to click here to listen to JOHN LENNON'S GIVE PEACE A CHANCE  on youtube.

Dear Body-of-Mine,

I know that you were under a lot of stress for many years and that you spent lots of your precious energy keeping my emotions in check. You became very skilled as I insisted that you store and repress my emotions and memories, to hide them in your tissues, far away from my awareness so that I could behave well for others, always seeking to make them happy without any concern for myself. 

I did notice that you seemed to have difficulty holding on sometimes when I was experiencing PMS. There must be something about PMS energy that made it very difficult for you to keep holding down those emotions and they sometimes burst out in the form of anger, fury or rage. I have already given you permission to release those emotions and memories and have observed them exiting in many floods of tears over the past year or so. Thank you, dear body, I am feeling much lighter now.

Honestly, I felt betrayed by you, dear body - wounded and bleeding, first a victim of life, then a victim of a dreaded disease - again and again and again and again. I demanded that you endure the pain of countless mutilations, invasions, toxic chemicals, needles, radiation treatments, and medical tests, all mixed together with embarrassment, guilt, sorrow, blame, anger and fear. Part of me felt like I/you somehow deserved to suffer. I believed that:

LIVING MEANS SUFFERING, 

LOVING MEANS SACRIFICING  and

the more you're willing to sacrifice, the more loving you are

I learned as a child that Christian martyrs were the best kind of saints because they were willing to sacrifice their lives for a cause/God they believed in. And, they died the most gruesome deaths - with torture, eaten by lions, stoned, burned, hanged, crucified, tongues and eyes cut out - like a modern day horror movie. I was taught that the willingness to sacrifice one's life was the greatest act of love possible. I sometimes wonder if I am living that belief - die a gruesome death and God will be pleased with me??? yikes!!! I am choosing to let go of any beliefs that are in alignment with that one.

I had forgotten who I really was for many years, but can-can encouraged me to come back to my spirit, come back to God, but I did not come to a place of love for you, my dear body.  I took you for granted.  I expected you to heal, to bounce back, to endure all kinds of torture, to stop causing me so much trouble, to give me a freaking break! I felt like you teased me with two long-term remissions.  I said to you, "So, you DO know how to heal.  You proved it twice already. Why don't you do it NOW? What's WRONG with you, body? Why are you f**king with me?  I hate you - you don't deserve to be loved. Why don't you function perfectly when I don't love and nurture you?" 

I needed someone/someTHING to blame, so I blamed you for my unhappiness, for my can-can. I am a good person, so YOU must be the problem. I wanted you to just go away and leave me alone. What does it mean when you say that to your body? Go away and leave me alone? Is that a death wish? Perhaps it is. Okay, cancel that.  Take it back. I want you to be with me for a very long time, body, so I promise to take better care of you, to treat you with love (gosh, can I really do that?) I don't feel like my body is beautiful or lovable. It is my SLAVE and it will do exactly what I want it to do, because I AM THE BOSS! I AM IN CONTROL! What a ruse I have played on myself! One of the great can-can lessons is that I have NO CONTROL WHATSOEVER.

I know that I asked you, Dear Body, to work overtime and wouldn't let you rest when you were crying out for it. I know you've never felt truly loved, appreciated or cherished; mostly ignored, despised or simply tolerated. I am truly sorry I didn't honor you when you made your simple needs for rest, nutrition, hydration and PEACE known to me. Instead, I filled you with sugar, adrenalin, cortisol, judgment and criticism. I worked you well beyond the state of exhaustion and then insisted that you give even more when you had no more to give.  I wanted to LOOK GOOD in the eyes of others. I just kept pushing and pushing, expecting your top performance. I know you felt like you were alone, as if you weren't part of the larger whole, the oneness of my being - body, mind and spirit. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I could demonstrate to the world that it's possible to fully recover from this terminal diagnosis by becoming a better person, by letting go of limiting beliefs, by practicing healing techniques, specialized diets, and a whole bunch of complementary therapies.

Dear Body, I never thought to fill you with the energy of Divine Healing Love and I did not appreciate all you have done for me. I have judged you and found you to be weak, ugly and a betrayer.  Because of you, body, I have had to walk around with a mostly-bald head, no eyelashes or eyebrows (but a few chin-whiskers), only one breast, an extremely weak upper-body, no estrogen, poor memory, watery eyes, bad teeth, difficult veins, and difficulty walking in a straight line.

IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE.....BIG TIME...click this for an appropopriate song on youtube.........TIME FOR A COOL CHANGE

Now I  know that LOVE HEALS.  Love is ALL THAT IS.  LOVE is the answer to every question.  LOVE is the solution to every problem.  And, as the Beatles liked to say, "ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE".  That is one of the great truths of the Universe. The primary "stuff" of the Universe is LOVE, sweet LOVE.

 Click here to play that Beatles Song on Youtube.

I now promise to love you, Dear Body, with all of my heart, with all of my being, with appreciation and gratitude, with gentleness and grace.  With great love for you....and me.

Imagery-Dissipating Disturbing Energies With Love

DISSIPATING DISTURBING EMOTIONAL ENERGIES WITH LOVE.....

An E-Motion is Energy in Motion, so we can work with emotions from an energetic perspective, using the incredible power of the imagination.

This is an imagery meditation/prayer to help dissipate disturbing emotional energy (anxiety, fear, confusion, worry, depression, anger, etc.)  It is NOT a way to repress emotions, but to honor and process them, recognize and accept them; and transform them into a higher, spiritual vibration.  Sit down, close your eyes, breathe 3 (or more) long, slow, deep breaths to just slow you down - inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.  Then, allow your breathing to return to normal or 'automatic' and imagine that, with each inhale, you breathe in the energy of Divine Healing Love/God's Grace/Christ's love/Buddha's nirvana, etc. Imagine what color or color(s) it might be and the qualities of its texture - liquid, JEWELS, SEQUINS, sparkles or energy or liquid, etc. Feel it fillinng up your lungs as oxygen would and going directly into your loving heart.  Then, see the love you breathed in filling the cup of your heart until it overflows (your cup runneth over).  Then, as you exhale, see this superbly, Divinely sublime (DEFINITION - of such excellence, grandeur, or beauty as to inspire great admiration or awe) love spread out to the rest of your body, shining its beautiful light until the entire body glows - including an aura that surrounds the body - filling up every cell to its maximum holding capacity for Divine love energy and feel/see the energy's light increase in intensity.  

NUTSHELL VERSION: INHALING DIVINE HEALING LOVE TO HEART, CONTINUING TO EXHALE THE LOVE THAT RUNNETH OVER THE CUP, SENDING LOVE TO THE REST OF THE BODY, SURROUNDING & FILLING EVERY CELL TO FULL CAPACITY.

Continue this form of breathing, allowing your body and mind to "just let go" of all tension, concerns, and discomfort until you're feeling more relaxed. 

Then, remember the disturbing emotion - you could give it a specific shape & name if you wish - and notice where you are feeling it in your body. Focusing your attention on the emotion and the physical sensation, allow yourself to observe and accept the emotion and the sensation.  Ask how this feeling might have been a defensive strategy for you or served some other purpose for you in the past, remembering that you are not the same person you were then. Take as long as you need to acknowledge the feeling and accept it as part of the expression of your human 'self'.

Invite the feeling into your heart. Shine the light of Divine Healing Love unto the feeling and notice it begin to lighten up and dissipate.  Continue until you feel a change occurring, then embrace and love the emotion.  If change does not occur immediately, you will probably notice it by the next day.  This process can be repeated as often as desired.

Nutshell Version:  NOTICE WHERE YOU FEEL THE EMOTION IN THE BODY, ACCEPT IT AS PART OF YOUR HUMAN EXPRESSION. SHINE THE LIGHT OF LOVE ON THE EMOTION, FEEL IT LIGHTEN UP AND DISSIPATE. RINSE & REPEAT, IF DESIRED/NEEDED. Namaste'

De-Frazzle: Journaling

The unexamined life is not worth living...Socrates

The best way I know of to examine one’s life is to write in a journal. Journaling has been, and continues to be, of tremendous help to me on my healing journey.  It allows me to remove the clutter in my thoughts and feelings – to get them out of my brain and onto paper - where I may be able to observe them from a different perspective.  It helps me to see myself and my life more clearly. It facilitates communication with my Higher Self.  It helps me to get the answers to my questions about myself.  It is my key to self-discovery and self-knowing. My journal is my sounding board, my friend and confidant, my life preserver, and my healing room. This examination of my thoughts and feelings increases my awareness of unhealthy thinking patterns and erroneous beliefs, so I can then choose to change them. 

CONFIDENTIALITY: If you wish to start journaling, I suggest you buy a new journal that appeals to you and call it your healing journal.  If you are concerned about anyone else reading your journal, then find a way to keep it well-hidden.  If you don’t want others reading it after you have passed on, then burn it when you’re finished with it or make it a stipulation in your will that you want your journal burned; or, make sure a trusted friend will take care of it for you.  If you prefer to journal on your computer and are concerned about others reading it, then password-protect your document.  In any case, it is VERY IMPORTANT that you have no concern about others reading what you write – you must be totally comfortable writing anything you wish in your private healing journal. 

APPROACHES: There are many possible approaches to journaling, so I will suggest a couple that I like to use.  I start by getting relaxed and sitting in a comfortable position, breathing deeply.  Being consciously aware of each breath, I close my eyes and imagine that I am in a place of beauty and safety.  Then, I set my intention to be in contact with my Higher Self (AKA inner teacher, soul, spirit, guide, angel, etc.) asking that my Higher Self reveal herself through my writing.  If this is not comfortable for you, just sit down and start writing whatever is in your mind.

MAKE A LIST.  This is simply what it is.  Make a list of whatever comes into your mind, like "advantages of chemo" or "things I love about myself..."  or "things that make me smile" or "What I've accomplished in my life"  or "things that made me smile today" or "things I want to remember about this season" or "what I want to accomplish in my life" or "people that I love", etc. The list of things that you can write lists about is endless.  One that feels particularly good is to make a list of five things, people, events, etc. in your life that you are grateful for - and write this list at the end of each day.  Think of new items to add from the day's events.  Make sure at least two items are things about YOU that you are grateful for.  The expression of gratitude on a regular basis can make a big, positive difference in one's outlook on life.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS writing can help you to move past your conscious thinking mind.  This is done by writing, without stopping, for at least 20 minutes at a time.  Just write whatever words are in your mind, without stopping to compose before writing, without stopping to make corrections, or for any reason.  Even if you have to write “I can’t think of anything to write,” don’t let the pen stop writing. Try this daily for a couple of weeks and see what happens.  This is a way of "priming the well", getting your writing "muscles" in shape.  It's also a way to lighten what feels like a burden of heavy thoughts weighing you down, especially those pesky repetitive thoughts. If you find yourself repeating yourself, then ask for some new, more productive or positive thoughts you can use to replace the old, negative thoughts.  

Another method is to...
WRITE A QUESTION, and then pause for a moment to listen for the answer, writing down whatever comes into your mind.  Or, better yet, after writing the question, move the pen into your non-dominant hand, then listen for the answer (you won't hear an actual voice) and write down whatever comes into your mind, without analyzing it.  This switches which side of your brain you're thinking with. Then, read it to see if it makes sense to you.  A question can be on any subject, like "why do I feel so exhausted today?" or "What makes me feel better when I'm feeling down?" or "Why did I react that way to...?"  WHY seems to be the most frequent question I ask myself, which I'm sure started when I was a small child.

WRITE A STORY.  Try this - write the story that describes the most joyful moment of your life. Use your senses to include every detail you can remember – the setting, the weather, what you were wearing, the people who were present, sounds, words, fragrance or taste, the emotions you experienced. Now, close your eyes and relax, replaying every detail of that memory in your mind. Re-live those joyful feelings as if it were happening again, right now. ENJOY the memory. Don’t allow your brain to insert any negative thoughts that might spoil your enjoyment.  Stay focused on the joy as long as you wish. Then, the next time you’re feeling down, bring yourself back to that joyful memory and repeat this exercise to see if it will lift your mood.


If your story has an unhappy ending, as the writer, you can change that. Imagine a different, perfect ending - one that helps you to FEEL BETTER.  It's not like you're writing for an audience that is going to judge the accuracy of what you write.  Or, write a whole new story that's totally fictional that just MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER.  Or, write the story of what you and your life will be like when you are totally healed.  Embellish it with as many details as you can IMAGINE - use all your senses to give your story more "life". FEEL GOOD about your story.

Clustering – Begin by choosing a word you want to write about.  Write it in the center of the page, then write down every word that comes to mind.  Write down words even if they don’t make sense and even words that seem odd or silly.  You can work in a circular fashion.  Keep concentrating on doing this and you’ll feel a shift in your consciousness as words just occur to you.  Write them down quickly before the judge censors them.  Notice how one word leads to another. Sometimes, your mind will jump to a more concrete word or an unexpected one.  Draw lines from one word to another as your thought moves from one to the other.  Do the clustering in whatever way works for you.  Later, you can use Stream of Consciousness writing from the ideas or feelings that emerge from the cluster and see what new thoughts arise.  Here is a typed example, for ease of reading.  I started with the word NOW and 'clustered' around it.

I often write prayers and affirmations in my journal. I believe that writing things down makes them more real, more concrete, more achievable, more believable.  My favorite affirmation now is I AM PEACEFUL. I AM JOYFUL. I AM VERY STRONG AND HEALTHY. 

Sources: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

Stirring the Waters by Janell Moon
Journaling for Joy by Joyce Chapman

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De-Frazzle: Conscious Breathing

Just pause for a few moments, close your eyes, and focus your attention on your breath.  Slowly, take in a nice, deep, calming breath, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.   Repeat this several times, pressing stale air out of your lungs on the exhale and rejuvenating all your body's cells with each inhale.  Oxygen is the basic food for every cell in your body.  You could even imagine that you are inhaling the ENERGY of RELAXATION and exhaling the ENERGY of tension, stress, and/or anything else you wish to let go of.  This is breathing consciously for a quick, refreshing break.  Its De-Frazzle-Action?

• Improves lung function
• Triggers the body's own Relaxation Response
• Oxygenates the blood
• Feels good

Here is a hand-out I have used with my yoga class...

Alternate Nostril Breathing

The index and middle fingers of the right hand are folded over and pressed against the palm or straightened out and touching the forehead.   The thumb is used to close the right nostril, and the ring and little fingers together close the left nostril.  Left-handed people may do the opposite.

Close off the right nostril with the right thumb.  Exhale and inhale through the left nostril.   Release the right nostril as you use your ring and little fingers to close off the left nostril.  Exhale and inhale through the right nostril. Continue for several minutes, alternating nostrils.

Using gentle pressure to hold each nostril closed, breathe slowly, smoothly, deeply and evenly.

Variation – pause for a few seconds after each inhale and exhale, holding both nostrils closed after the inhale.

BENEFITS:
[ Relaxes the entire body

[ Soothes the nervous system

[ Balances both sides of the brain 


Source: The Complete Yoga Book, by James Hewitt

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