Questioning My Spiritual Beliefs

The science of Quantum Physics is now telling us that everything in the Universe is made of energy and that we are part of all that is.  We are at-one with EVERYTHING in the Universe. We are each cells in the larger body of "The One", "I AM That","God", "Divinity", the "Universe", whatever you wish to call it.  When we choose to come into the physical body (incarnate), we take on an ego that allows us to see ourselves and others as separate individuals.  We feel separate from one another as well as separate from God; sometimes, even separate from ourselves.  Buddhists, and others, tell us that the whole physical world is just an illusion and that only the world (dimension) of Spirit is real...that time exists in the physical just so we can think about it in a linear fashion while we are on Earth.  
Please remember what I always say - take with you what feels right to you-IN YOUR HEART-and leave the rest right here. Click the underlined text  to listen to Joan Baez sing  The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down  on Youtube.  Around 1:20, she sings "take what you need and leave the rest".  I just pulled out that song because of that one half-line, but if you remember Joan Baez, you can enjoy her live performance by clicking there.

Shakespeare said something like, "The whole world is a play/stage and everybody plays a part."  My Esoteric Healing instructor said, "You are the director, writer and star of your own play." 

If you'd rather listen to "The Whole World is a Stage and Everybody Plays a Part" by the Fantastic Four (from Detroit - MoTown - the city I was born in).  This was a minor distraction. I hope you took a quick break and enjoyed some oldies music.  I believe that there is a song for EVERYTHING.  It's great to always have a song in my heart (and a humming in my throat) - it just feels good - not like having an annoying song STUCK in my head.  Or, I find a song I love to replace the one that is stuck in my head.

What if there is really no such thing as time and that everything - every minute of every lifetime - is happening all at once in the world of spirit?  What if making a change today has an effect on every part of "the oneness" across all time lines, past and future and possible future?  These are big questions that merit their own posts.

At some point in our lives, we might begin to ask questions like, "Is there more to me than this body, mind, emotions (personality), my family, house, career, and possessions? How am I nourishing my spirit? Is there room to grow spiritually? Why am I here? Is there a purpose to my life?  What am I missing in life?" and more.  I think this happens when our ego begins to long for that "oneness feeling" that it has only "veiled" memories of.  This could be the time of the mid-life crisis, when people start to do things that are "out of character" for them (like buying the Harley).  Really, it can happen at nearly any age, not necessarily middle-age.  

I saw this in myself as a restlessness, always questioning the religious and philosophical "truths" I was taught in Catholic school, especially the teachings about God and Love. If God IS LOVE, then why would God EVER judge anyone?  Let alone, send anyone to eternal punishment/damnation/hell/suffering for making a single HUMAN mistake and not confessing it before physical death?.  Is God not the ultimate? Is God not the perfection of love itself?  Isn't perfect love totally unconditional?  My brain could not comprehend judgment and damnation being a part of unconditional love.  When I read the book CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD BOOK I by Neale Donald Walsch, shortly before my first cancer diagnosis in '97, it felt right to me and presented an idea of God that was more like my impression of what a god-like being should be, rather than the vengeful, fear-invoking God I had learned about as a child, based on the one teaching I DID believe: that God is love.

This CHANGE I'm talking about can have various catalysts, like simply feeling old, a serious illness, death of a beloved one, end of a relationship, marriage, sudden change or end of a career, a significant change in income, a trauma of any kind, or a near death experience - any type of significant life event.  Mine was my first cancer diagnosis in '97. I felt like it had pulled the rug out from under me/my life and knocked me down HARD and I had to pick myself up  and get back into life.  I have often referred to this event as like 'being hit over the head with a 2x4'. 

When people start to question their spiritual beliefs, to modify their philosophy of life, to dramatically change their priorities, they may even reject religion or change religions.  They may develop a new belief that, since we are a part of God - the Divine spark that resides within us, we do not need an outside source to teach us - we can go inside to know who we really are and to be ourselves...to BE who we really, truly are, not who we think others want or expect us to be. We can receive guidance from our "Divine Spark" by first asking for it, then by paying attention to our feelings and listening to the whispers of our spirit working through people, animals, books, signs, movies, etc. We are driven to want more information, a closer union with and a better understanding of the Divinity within. The spirit/soul and the personality long for union. There is a longing to merge into what is known in the Ancient Wisdom as a soul-infused personality.  

I ask and allow my 'Divine self' to think through my mind, speak through my words and act through my body. I wish to be the outward expression of the Love/God/Divine that lives within me, that animates my personality.  I ask my Divine Spark/Self to focus more intently on what's going on in my human/physical life. 

Any time I feel uncomfortable, when I remember to, I ask my Divine Self to help me out (S.O.S.) and, like yesterday, during my guided imagery presentation at the Alpena Friends Together Cancer Conference, I found myself saying things that I had not planned to talk about.  I told them about my imagery work with the energy of Divine Healing Love (click to see an example) and that I think my job or purpose is to demonstrate by my example, that someone can have cancer and still live a (relatively) normal, happy life. 

I added an experimental 'hit counter' to this blog on the right side of the screen.  We'll see if it works.  I'm not even sure what it's counting. :)

This is not the topic I was intending to write about, but I think it may be food for thought.  If you have questions or comments, click on the Comment button below, or send me an email at maggiehealing@gmail.com.

Namaste' & blessings and love....

Self-love & Worthiness

I AM TOO WORTHY!!!!  They say that love makes the world go round, that love can heal all wounds, that love is God/God is love, the fabric of the Universe, etc. etc.  I have recently started to believe that Love is EVERYTHING and EVERYONE in the entire Universe.  LOVE IS ALL THERE IS.  LOVE IS ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS! Anita Moorjani says, "Each of us, at our core, already IS pure and unconditional love....It has no agenda...no expectations..."

Anita Moorjani, author of DYING TO BE ME, recently posted this on Facebook...."I spent a lifetime trying to live up to other people's unrealistic standards of how I "should" be - and all it did was cause me cancer, because I constantly believed I wasn't good enough! In truth, all we have to do is be OURSELVES!" 




I have supported this idea of self-love for many years and even talked about it in my classes, but in the back of my mind, saying "I don't have to do that for me- it's not important". After 15 years of working on my own healing while dealing with cancer, I think I'm finally STARTING to understand this concept and how essential to life and healing it is. Self-love is not about being egotistical or selfish - it's about basic survival. It's the foundation upon which love for others and true joy/happiness are built. It's the foundation of LIFE. And, I think it results in elevating us to feeling more worthy. " I am not worthy" has been a toxic core belief for me since I was very young and I am still actively working to change it. I talk to my higher self in meditation, asking it to express itself through my thoughts, words and actions. When this happens, I realize that my higher self (who I really am) is much greater, more 'magnificent', more powerful, more divine than I ever imagined. Even from a logical point of view, how could I NOT love that aspect of myself?? This blogging experience is helping me to discover more deeply who I am. There are many different ways of doing this. Having a Near-Death-Experience is only one of them - no doubt, the quickest one - but still one of many. 


In the book DYING TO BE ME, Anita Moorjani states, "In my culture, I was taught to put others first and myself last or not at all.  I wasn't taught to love myself or to value who and what I am. As a consequence, I had very little to offer others.  Only when we fill our own cup with regard for ourselves, will we have any to give away.  Only when we love ourselves unconditionally, accepting ourselves as the magnificent creatures we are with great respect and compassion, can we ever hope to offer the same to anyone else.  Cherishing the self comes first, and caring for others is the inevitable outcome...Our world suffers from too little self-love and too much judgment, insecurity, fear, and mistrust.  If we all cared about ourselves more, most of these ills would disappear."

I was also taught to put others first and myself last or not at all.  Consequently, my cup was never more than half-full.  I invested a good deal of energy in the direction of judgment, insecurity, fear and mistrust. Reading about this in Anita's book has helped me to more fully understand that self-love is of great importance to healing - and to living a joyful life.


My Esoteric Healing teacher often started our  meditations with the words, "I have emotions, but I AM NOT my emotions. I have thoughts, but I AM NOT my mind. I have a body, but I AM NOT my body." Then, "Who am I?"  I wondered.  I am the Divine spark who EXPRESSES through the vehicles of my body, mind and emotions - the one who inhabits my body and uses my mind and emotions as tools. I have the power to choose my thoughts and emotions - that is the self that we love (the magnificent, divine Self), which leads to a total acceptance of the human being that we are - you know, the one that we tend to judge harshly. 

For me, it's about recognizing who I really am - the magnificent spirit who is all-loving and all-powerful and certainly deserving of respect and love.  Just because I haven't paid much attention to it/her doesn't mean she's not there at the core of who I am. I started by purposefully and intentionally asking that part of me (hmmmm, that MOST IMPORTANT part of me) in meditation to EXPRESS itself through my thoughts, words, emotions and action. Now I'm asking more often and noticing it more often. Now that I'm getting an inkling of the love my inner self has for me, its vehicle, I think that being myself happens more easily. Intentional communication with the divine self, with the invitation for it to express itself through me(my personality and ego) is a good way for me to learn more about who I really am and to BE who I really am. I am a work in progress.   We all are.


I am also developing a more loving relationship with my body, since it is the vehicle of expression for my 'magnificent' self and it needs loving and nurturing to thrive.  That's my job, my responsibility - not my doctor's -  and I can do that by "listening to my body" - something I've said to my Yoga students for years...LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.  I can choose to eat healthy foods, get lots of fresh air and exercise, rest when tired, and cry when I feel that lump in my throat (processing my emotions instead of stuffing them).


I used to think that being myself meant "acting the way I thought others wanted me to be, then it became acting the way I aspired to be".  Neither of those was actually me. I was blocked off from communications with my real self, so I was not able to BE my self.  I ask it/her to make me aware of its presence and now I'm noticing it by the 'higher vibration/more loving' thoughts that pop into my head. Communication with the inner/real/divine self makes me so much more eager to express that part of me and get to know her better. This is a spiritual act, an intentional blending of spirit with personality. Sanaya Roman has many meditations and books that are extremely helpful to me in this way.  Click here to see the website....


Sanaya Roman...Orin & DaBen

These works are channeled and are the best source I have found for spiritual growth and development. Remember that the Bible was channeled, so channeling is a natural and not-so-uncommon occurrence, but if it's not in your comfort zone, them maybe it's not for you.  If you want to check it out, invite in some new ideas and feel better about yourself, try reading LIVING WITH JOY by Sanaya Roman. 

To see it, click here...  Living with Joy Link  If you really like it, order the associated guided-meditation CDs and listen to them.


These meditations and books have helped me to experience significant growth and healing in my spirit-focus. I am the Divine spark who EXPRESSES through the vehicles of my personality (mind, emotions, body)  - the one who inhabits my body and uses my mind and emotions as tools. 


My sister, MJ, and I were sitting together at a Catholic funeral of a relative a couple years ago.  When we were asked to pray, "Oh Lord, I am  not worthy".  We both said, "I am TOO worthy."  I think that demonstrates a change of the belief I AM NOT WORTHY that we are both experiencing.


In my journaling group, I have often given the assignment "Perform one act of loving self-care this week and report back to the group".  There was a wide range of activities that fit into this 'loving self-care' category, from taking a nap to drinking a cup of tea on the porch to making oneself breakfast in bed.  It's taking care of yourself as you would take care of a dearly loved one, with kindness, compassion, gentleness and love.

For more on this topic, click here to view Anita Moorjani on Self-Love in a separate window.


What is an act of loving self-care for you?  When is the last time you did that?  Next time?


Joy and Peace,
Maggie

Beliefs-2

"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives."

~Henry David Thoreau

If you have not yet seen the post "Beliefs-1", click  Beliefs-1   to read that one first.


Our beliefs (repeated thoughts) can become totally unconscious, yet they directly influence or determine our perceptions.  Our perceptions then directly influence our thoughts.  And, ultimately, our thoughts determine how we feel about things.  So, beliefs that exist in the mental dimension of our being have a direct link to - and a profound influence upon - the emotional dimension, which can dramatically affect our physical bodies. A clear of example of this is 'butterflies in your stomach' when you feel nervous - and emotion directly affecting the body.

For example, if I have a core belief that LIFE IS HARD, then I will tend to perceive and interpret the events of my life as proof that LIFE IS HARD, reinforcing the belief and influencing my thinking, feeling and actions.  I may choose not to do things like change my career, avoid negative people, or work on improving a relationship because I think that it will be too hard.  Then, I may choose to feel disappointed, discouraged or depressed as a result of those thoughts. There is comfort in knowing that we choose our thoughts and that we have the power to change them.

Continuing with the example, if that core belief is very different, say something like, “LIFE IS A FUN ADVENTURE”, I will choose to perceive the events of my life very differently - in ways that reinforce that belief and influence my thinking in a different way.  I may then make different choices about changing my career, avoiding those negative people, or working to improve a relationship because I would feel differently about them than someone who believes that LIFE IS HARD.


So, how do we form our beliefs?  Especially the unconscious ones?  
A belief is a thought that is repeated over and over, right?  Many beliefs begin in childhood in the form of statements made by parents, teachers, religious leaders and other authority figures; even siblings or peers. 

Examples of how beliefs can be formed in childhood: hearing a parent repeatedly say (or shout) things like, "What's wrong with you?" or "Your opinion doesn't count" or "What you want is not important" or "I don't care if the other kids laugh at you - you will do what I want you to do" or "I don't have time for..." or "I don't care..." or "That's not good enough" or "All the work must be done before you can play" or "if you want to cry, I'll give you something to cry about", etc.  Statements like these, when combined with anger and/or physical punishment can cause a child to form a few erroneous beliefs about life, love and the person that he/she is.  


Beliefs can also be formed by something very simple, like praying "Oh Lord, I am not worthy" every day.  Or, being told that only people of your religion are right and everyone else is wrong and going to hell for all eternity.  


I grew up in a very strict Catholic household and went to Catholic school for 12 years.  I remember that some of our teachers were extremely cruel and would publicly humiliate children for very minor 'offenses'.  Fortunately, I was a "Miss Goody-Two-Shoes" in school because I lived in fear of punishment (both at home and in school), so I was not usually on the receiving end of that at school.  When the rules were clearly defined, I was good at following them.  So, I put a great deal of effort into trying to get parents and teachers to approve of [love] me, and therefore, not punish me.  That strategy didn't work well, but I was operating from the belief that, if I am perfect, then I might make that authority figure happy and I will be loved.  


I formed my erroneous beliefs about love and God when I was a child, viewing the world from the mind of a child and interpreting life as I did,  holding these beliefs in my unconscious mind and acting upon them.  I was always wearing what I thought was the "appropriate mask" to be perceived as who I thought others wanted me to be.  I got to be so good at it that, as an adult (at the time of my second diagnosis in 2001), I found I had no idea who I was or what I wanted or what I was passionate about.  


I'm sure I was one of those annoying kids who always asks the question, "Why?"  I know my biggest spiritual question that was never answered to my satisfaction was, "If God loves us, why would he send someone to hell for ALL ETERNITY because they made a mistake or two or because they forgot to confess a sin that was making a black mark on their soul?"  I had lots of questions about God that were answered with the response, "some things you just have to take on faith."  My logical brain had a hard time with that concept.  


These beliefs contributed to my constant state of fear - fear of punishment, fear that world would end and my soul wouldn't be 'clean' enough to get into Heaven, fear of expressing emotions (learned to suppress them really well), fear of not pleasing others, fear of God, fear of nuclear war, fear of global disasters, fear of dying, fear of parents and other authority figures, fear of not be approved of, and yes, fear of cancer and death. I was PAINFULLY shy for way too many years of my life.  I did not enjoy social occasions (like parties) unless I already knew everyone who would be there. My world, shrouded in fear, was very small and not fun at all.

Like Anita Moorjani, author of DYING TO BE ME, I believe that FEAR was a major contributor to my cancer.  She says, "...the most frequent question people ask me is why I think I got cancer.  I can sum up the answer in one word: fear.  What was I afraid of?  Just about everything, including failing, being disliked, letting people down, and not being good enough.  I also feared illness, cancer in particular, as well as the treatment for cancer.  I was afraid of living and I was terrified of dying."


The next post will be about methods I used to discover my erroneous core beliefs and how I began to change them to positive ones.  


Click to see the next post on this topic.... Beliefs-3


  

Beliefs-3

This is part 3 of a series of posts on Beliefs.  It would be helpful to read the first 2 before reading this one.  You can click on the links here...


Beliefs-1           Beliefs-2   

I was talking about how core beliefs are formed.  The simple way is to repeat the same thought over and over again.  Many of our erroneous core beliefs are formed in childhood as a result of negative adult influences and the repeated thought becomes an unconscious belief.  Unless it is consciously changed, this belief can influence how we respond to life situations.  

Another way a belief is formed is by observing evidence that supports the belief - the scientific approach.  My best example of this is my belief that Stage IV breast cancer is always fatal.  This belief is supported by observation of several people I have known who have died from cancer. I think most of us have seen that happen at least once in our lifetime. It is also supported by my 4 oncologists I've had over the years, my family and friends, and by our culture as a whole.  This makes it a cultural belief, much like the belief that different time zones exist.  Its truth generally isn't questioned.  

I'm sure we've all heard the story about the dr. telling the patient, "You have 6 months to live" and then, 6 months later, the patient dies.  The patient believed the doctor's prognosis and never had any reason to question its truth.  I think what we believe is much more powerful than we realize.  Once I started to discover that some of my core beliefs were not actually true, I decided to question this one as well.

My oncologist gave me a prognosis because I had the nerve to ask for it.  This was in 2001 (the day after 9/11, by the way), when I was first diagnosed with Stage IV metastasis to lung after open-lung surgery.  After all, he had a Harvard Medical School diploma on the wall of his office and he certainly knew more about it than I did.  Anyway, he said I had "about 2-5 years, that this was the average, although it could vary a little in either direction".  This was his best guess.  I believed him since I had no reason not to believe him.  We had both seen it happen before and this was the "normal" way it happened.  I found myself planning to die, thinking about what I wanted to accomplish in the next 2-5 years and planning to make "all the arrangements" so that my beloved family would not be burdened with that task.  

Then, one day while I was writing in my journal, I asked myself the question, "Is it possible that I could live beyond this 2-5 year prediction?"  How could it be possible?  I decided that I needed some kind of PROOF that this might not be 100% true.  I realized I knew a woman who had had a 'fatal' cancer diagnosis more than 30 years before that and she was still alive and cancer-free. Also, Lance Armstrong seemed to be on his way to death and he survived.  These facts allowed me to question the belief, which is a good place to start.  I soon heard or read other stories of other people who had long outlived their doctor's predictions.  These are NOT the people we see in the oncologist's waiting room, by the way. I asked, "if they could do it, why can't I?"  I was beginning to better understand the power of belief, especially one that is never even questioned.

So, I had a talk with my oncologist and said to him, "When you told me I had 2-5 years to live, I WISH that you had said something more like, 

"the average survival is 2-5 years, but some people live well beyond that and science doesn't know why, but I think there's a chance you might be one of those people".  

As I was leaving his office that day, he said he thought I could be one of those people.  I was delighted.  Because that gave me another reason to HOPE for total remission.  His previous statement about 2-5 years had been presented as fact that was undeniable, giving me no reason to hope for anything better than that.

Now I was even more convinced that I had to be responsible for healing myself and I made that my life's mission.  And then, I went into total remission for 7 years! More on this topic is coming.


Click  Beliefs-4  to see the next post on this topic.