Memory Issues

A normal Neuron "working" in the brain-not sure I have ANY of these...

Masculine version of me at my old job

Between my extreme estrogen-deficiency and gallons of chemo pumped through my body over the years, not to mention 2 "radio-surgeries" on my brain, my memory just isn't what it used to be.  Since I once earned my living as a project manager, my memory was my most valuable tool for my work.  So, after my first go-round with chemo in 1997, I realized that that job was no longer right for me.  This really was a good thing because that job had been a source of a whole LOT of stress for many years.  Over time, I have learned to accept my slightly-faulty memory. I have become accustomed to things like:

• Walking into a room and not remembering why
• Not being able to find things that I was SURE I would remember when I put them in their place
• Not remembering phone numbers - my phones do that for me now
• Forgetting what show is on TV during a commercial
• Occasionally wondering where I'm going when driving
• Not remembering conversations
• Not remembering where my calendar and my to-do list are
• Finding the to-do list and not remembering what I was going to write on it
• Not being able to find a simple word (searching, searching, not finding) and allowing others to help me finish sentences.  One of my yoga students is especially good at that, which often comes in handy during class.  I often find myself saying, while pointing, "that thing". 
• Retrieving the wrong words - like saying soccer when I meant to say scrabble.  That substitution made sense to me because they both have the letters S and C and both are games, so they must be stored near one another in my brain (?)
• Not remembering how a movie ends - that way, I can watch it multiple times and enjoy it every time.  The same is true for jokes - I can enjoy them again and again (if someone else tells them).

I have found a solution to the first item listed above.  I make up a song and sing it out loud, for example, "going to get the toilet paper, toilet paper, toilet paper, going to get the toilet paper and put it where it goes."   I keep singing the song until I've accomplished my mission.  It works well for me, when I can remember to make up a song.  I told my 86-year-old mom about this and she says it works well for her, too.

I have a humorous example of a conversation I totally forgot.  Here is a photo from inside of our gazebo - with Lake Huron in the background.  My husband and I were celebrating our gazebo's grand opening in May.  A friend noticed that there's a tiny hole in his sock - and, my socks don't match - oh no!

We had visitors last month - sister, brother & sister-in-law - so, we spent some quality time together in the gazebo.  A bald eagle flew directly over our heads while we were all watching it, which was TOTALLY COOL.  Anyway, I was talking about how I had been shortening the name of our gazebo to things like "gizbo" or "G-bo" when somebody said, "How about G-spot?" and we all laughed heartily.  A week or so later, my brother called me and started the conversation with, "So, how are things in your G-spot?" Having totally forgotten the earlier conversation, I sat in stunned silence, wondering why my brother would say such a thing to me. Then, he reminded me about the earlier conversation, and we laughed. I think we were both blushing. Now, I always call it the g-spot.  Going out there in a few minutes to meditate.  It's a beautiful day here in MI.


Anyone else have memory issues and/or solutions?  Or, an amusing story about memory-malfunctions?


Joy and peace to you,
Maggie McDee

Beliefs-ADDENDUM

This is part 5 of a series of posts on Beliefs.  It would be helpful to read the first 4 before reading this one.  You can click on the links here...

Beliefs-1           Beliefs-2            Beliefs-3          Beliefs-4

This morning, I was talking with a dear friend and she said that reading my Beliefs posts was making her feel sad. She didn't see the joy in my posts that she often sees in me now.  Remembering the unhealthy beliefs that negatively influenced my thinking, feeling and actions made me feel a bit sad, too.  It almost looks as if my life was totally without joy when I know I had experienced great amounts of joy with my daughter, husband, siblings and close friends in the years before my first cancer diagnosis.  I only just started to look deeply inside during that time of my life.  

I could see that I had some serious healing to do and as I had learned from books and participation in various energy healing classes, I came to believe that JOY is ESSENTIAL to HEALING.  Joy is the energy that powers the immune system and the immune system is the best cancer eradicator there is.  Energetically, both the breast and the immune system are linked to the Heart Center (chakra).  

While reading Lawrence LeShan's book CANCER AS A TURNING POINT, I tried to make a list of all the things that brought me joy and it seemed to be a relatively short list.  It included things like being in nature, and spending time with my husband, daughter and other loved ones.  I wanted some items that were just me, by myself, where the joy came from within - like, what made me feel passionate and excited? What made me want to jump out of bed in the morning to quickly begin the day?  What inspired me to be creative?  What could I do that felt creative?  WHY DID I WANT TO LIVE?  It was disturbing to me that I could not readily answer these questions.  That WAS sad.  I asked myself, "How can I expect to HEAL if I can't muster up some joy and LOTS OF IT?" 


Anita Moorjani wrote on Facebook "Make your life choices out of joy and passion, rather than out of a fear of the consequences! We knew how to live in pure joy when we were born but we spend our lives forgetting. ...There are an alarming number of people living in fear [instead of living in joy]... Learn to get in touch with your heart and do what brings you joy ... and encourage everyone you love to do the same!"  

I totally agree with that.  The same is true about making decisions.  If I make a decision out of fear, chances are pretty good that it will NOT bring me joy, whereas decisions made out of love have great potential to reap joy - and peace of mind. 


So, in addition to working to replace negative beliefs with positive ones (started with first diagnosis in '97), I was on a mission to experience JOY (started with first Stage IV diagnosis in 2001) every day.  I like to have a MISSION, a sense of purpose, a goal to focus on.  It was time to start applying what I'd been learning in classes about energetic healing.  I believe that my dis-ease began in my energy field (mental, emotional and spiritual parts of me) and that my physical body is merely the outward manifestation of what is going on in the other bodies - like a barometer.  And, my body was speaking very loudly to me.  In DYING TO BE ME, Anita Moorjani states, "all disease first begins in the energy field, and then manifests in the body."  I know that this has been true for me.

What I already wrote about my beliefs reflects where I was 15 YEARS AGO.  I am a very different person today and grateful that I have learned so much about healing and have become who I am today - one who is always learning and growing from life experience.  Life experience is our very best teacher and I am a perennial student.


Any thoughts on this?  Anyone else have a similar (or different) experience?  Wishing you Peace & Joy,

Maggie McDee (AKA Magnolia)