Chemo Decision

CHEMO - to do it or not to do it?  Anita Moorjani did it, even though she knew she was healed.  I don't think Wayne Dyer did it, but he KNOWS he is healed.  When I was first diagnosed 1997, I did chemo because I was just plain scared and because my family members said they wanted me to do it because if I died without doing it, then I wouldn't have done ALL I COULD DO to 'fight' the cancer.  

Although I thought it was important to believe that chemo would actually help me, I just couldn't convince myself because it made no sense to me.  I was voluntarily putting poison into my body, which pretty much destroys the immune system, and the immune system is the best tool (natural healing) to get rid of the disease, so I never actually did believe it.  After I was done with chemo, I decided that I would NEVER do it again - because of the poison factor and because I never wanted to feel that sick again.

Over time, with some degrees of healing, I decided that the only circumstances under which I would do chemo would be if it would make me feel better.  Before that time, I had never heard of it helping anyone to feel better. Soon after that decision, I talked with 2 different people who told me that chemo had helped them to feel better.  I was shocked!  So, then I decided that if I couldn't breathe and someone told me chemo would help, then I would do it.  Breathing is the most essential function of this physical body.  

So, guess what happened?  I had a tumor in one of my bronchial tubes that totally blocked off one of the lobes in my lung.  I was coughing and short of breath and had surgery that removed only part of the tumor from the inside of my bronchial tube - a chunk of it was still outside of my bronchial tube.  Although there were other tumors in my body that were 'stable', that one kept growing and I agreed to do chemo, but told the doctor that my quality of life was very important and that I didn't want to be as sick as I had been in '97 because I had an extremely poor  quality of life at that time.  And, I have no desire to live that way again - ever.  

In 97-98, I spent all my time in a reclining position - on the couch mostly.  My white blood cell count was dangerously low, which made me susceptible to infections (potentially lethal), and I was advised against going out in public.  I also had several chemo treatments cancelled/postponed because of the low blood count (psychologically & emotionally difficult).  I had no energy, no appetite and lots of nausea - and no fun - for about 6-7 months.  

I have been on some form of chemo now for 15 months.  Oncologist strategy - as long as a treatment seems to be working (no new tumors, no growth of existing tumors), just keep doing it.  If the disease progresses, change the treatment.  I have been able to relax and meditate during treatments, visualizing the chemo as healing energy zapping tumors.  

So far, my quality of life has not suffered too much due to various drugs used to counteract the side effects.  Baldness is not painful and chemo brain and other minor side effects can be tolerated. How can you tell if memory problems are due to age, lack of estrogen or chemo? I still practice and teach yoga and participate in as many social activities as I want.  I am enJOYing my life now more than I ever have and am grateful for every day I wake up in the morning.  I also practice healing visualizations and lead 2 guided imagery groups, which feeds my spirit in a way that feels really good to me.  It's hard to find clipart on this subject.